May 14th, 2005

Short hair suspicion

The shadow cast forward obscures eternal light.

Zippity Doo-Da. Zippity MOTHERFUCKING A.

This has not been a good couple of days for the old Benanator. First my therapist determined that the reason I overeat is because my life is an aching void empty of anything that could provide me emotional nourishment. So I've got that going for me, which is nice. Then I had a massive fight with my mother, who wants me to come visit our old house in upstate New York which is infested with step-family. She has no comprehension why it might be difficult for me to go back to a home I lived in when I had a RADICALLY DIFFERENT LIFE while it is currently being lived in by people I don't know and who don't like me. People who, none of you will recall but I very much do, tore apart my childhood bedroom and threw my shit out into a dumpster while COMPLETELY ignoring me.

These are the times that try men's souls, right? When you're alone and unappreciated and fighting, fighting, fighting. The only thing to do is to listen to "Jessie's Girl" like 800 times and wash your shame and pain and bitter loneliness out of your mind because tomorrow's another day and the way out of the pit lies forward forward forward forward towards the light. In life there is no such thing as surrender.

I hope I haven't bummed you out too much with my abject misery, it too will pass. To lighten your spirits once again here is a picture of a doggie pimp:

  • Current Music
    My funny valentine

My impending death and the world's continued life

I've now reached the point in bowelgate where I am having psychosomatic symptoms and am starting to read medical websites which is NEVER a good idea because you run into about a billion different diseases or issues that you might have. Hmm, strangulated bowel obstruction caused by colon cancer? That's kind of a twofer, isn't it? I'm preparing myself for my (probably not) impending death and preparing to make my peace with the things that really matter to me. I already kissed my Xbox goodbye. I'm calm and ready to pass on to the next world. I just wish the causes weren't ass related.

On the other hand I am getting tired of doomsday scenarios regarding the coming end of the oil age.

People, GET OVER IT. Will there be problems? Of course. Every transition has problems. We had problems transitioning from a rail-based society to a road-based one. Of course people now FORGET about the rails almost entirely, it seems, with apocalyptic claims that we will devolve into isolated pockets of humanity without any sort of modern communication or transit systems. Remember railroads? Trains can run on wood if need be.

Furthermore the history of mankind has been a history of continuing technological advances to meet whatever needs there may be, and I don't see that ending any time soon. Oftentimes the greatest technical leaps are made during wartime because that's when the technology is NEEDED. If we end up needing alternate energy sources then you can believe that the rate of their advance will be mind-boggling compared to current estimates.

Just stop with the doomsday stuff. Whenever mankind has had a dark-ages style technological reversion it has been because of religion and politics, not some sort of scientific boundary. What we REALLY have to worry about is fundamentalism at home and abroad. There have been people talking about technological doomsdays for as long as there has been technology, and they are always the people who misunderstand human ingenuity and resourcefulness. We may very well face a recession when the oil starts to dry up, but if you focus on learning horsemanship instead of computer skills the only job you'll be qualified for in tomorrow's economy will be in a rodeo.
  • Current Music
    Everybody's talkin'

Realities of modern life.

The rich get richer. I'm pretty sure my housekeeper is stealing from me at this point. I had an envelope of $100 from my boss that I put down somewhere safe and now it's gone. This is after a $100 bill vanished from a drawer awhile back. I'm going to need to find a safer hiding place I guess, but it's sad. I like her and I hate this sort of situation. Without proof I'm not going to levy any accusations, but I don't have another explanation. I am one of those people who is extremely disorganized but sort of knows where everything is and I don't lose money.

I'm going upstate today after all thanks to a complicated set of circumstances I don't really want to discuss. Yipee. It's times like this I really wish I had a laptop, not so much for the Internet but so I could take my writing with me. Writing with paper and a pen is for LOSERS. Total and complete LOSERS. I can't emphasize that enough. It's slow, unwieldy, difficult to edit, and just generally a pain in the ass. I can think of body parts I'd rather leave down here than my computer.

People always say "If I had it to do all over again I'd do it..." but I think we do what we do for a reason, for the most part. I was thinking recently, as I prepare to die, that if I had to do it all over again I'd probably like to do it in good shape. Then I realized that would entail doing it over again CONSTANTLY HUNGRY and I shut up.
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated


Well I found the missing bag from work with the money in it. It was in a drawer that I may have put it in, or she may have put it in and forgotten about it.

I see this as an object lesson about A) Not assuming things and B) Staying relaxed even when there appears to be a problem. Since I made no accusation I have no apology to make, and there was no offense or problem caused. I knew this was a possibility and it turned out to be the truth. Furthermore I know that the bag was not placed in the drawer after it was asked about because she did not enter that room today except when I was in it.

Nonetheless I am glad that the money isn't missing and very glad that I didn't take any rash action.
  • Current Music