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June 14th, 2005

01:53 am - Happiness is so ten days ago.

I'm not sure why I'm depressed right now, at least not completely sure. It could be as simple as the fact that despite working on hard on controlling my calorie intake and getting exercise the weight isn't coming off right now, not like it was before the unfortunate ankle injury, and I always get frustrated when that happens, or it could be something deeper. I had a walk yesterday where the entire world just felt flat to me. Like that no matter what happens in the future, no matter what I could achieve or possess or even desire it wouldn't really matter. And it's true, to a degree. The earth we live in is awash in limitations, and one day will never be fundamentally different from the next. One has to take wonder in the details because that's all there is, details. There are basically two plots in literature and film, and everything else is detail. There may be 10 distinct categories of experience, and everything else is details.

What happens when the details stop mattering? All you have left are physical pleasure, for what it's worth, and then just a flatness. What happens when people start blending into one another and every novel starts to feel the same? Depression. Deep, dark, invincible depression.

I guess I have the comfort of knowing I've been here before and made it out. Perhaps it's just a valley that must be slogged through to the other side. You never really learn to defeat depression, you learn to ride it out as gently as possible and not let it feed on itself. If you give in and start eating or just vegetating or whatever then it gets worse and worse and can go on for years. So instead you try and ride it gently out, not pushing yourself too hard to the point of misery, but not giving up either.

Besides I do have one refuge in this dark time. My writing. Whether it's comedy you fuckers don't appreciate, or the absolute truth about one of America's most powerful men, I feel okay when I'm working on something. It's a way to get out of my head and into a world that doesn't suck so much, and I appreciate it for that.

I'm going through a tough time right now trying to decide what jobs to apply to and whether I should just junk it and make a go at trying to get some freelance writing work instead, but I think I'll be okay. I know I'll be okay.

I have come to firmly believe that the reason most people fail at things they want to do, whether it be get a job in a certain industry or lose weight or quit smoking or fuck Angelina Jolie or whatever, is because they give up too easily. You fall down once or twice or ten times and eventually you don't get back up.

Worst choice you could make.

The only choice that makes sense is to keep going, keep hoping, keep seeking. That seems to be the key to success. Failure is an option, but it's just that, an option. Not a very attractive one at that.

06:37 am - Sleep is for WINNERS

Wow, I slept like 12 hours last night and I feel better. Probably going to go out now after spending the last hour or so listening to "I am Superman" by R.E.M. and "Say it Loud" by James Brown over and over.

Like I said, surrender's for SUCKERS, so I'll get back on the horse with dieting and writing, send out resumes, and generally act like a responsible citizen of these United States so the brown shirts of economic progress don't come and nab me.

VIVA LA CAPITALISMA!

10:34 am - A national disgrace

California, June 14, 2005

"This is a national disgrace. It's a farce. Innocent on all charges? I can't believe it." Few would be surprised to hear these words spoken about the recent Michael Jackson case verdict, but not many would suspect the source. Michael Jackson himself.

Mr. Jackson has issued statement saying that he is outraged and disturbed at the outcome of the trial and is considering leaving the country altogether. "Innocent? Really? INNOCENT? I admitted to sleeping with young boys. I've proved how crazy I am time and time again. What more do you people want? Do you want me to pay multi-million dollar settlements to other accusers? I've done that. Do you want me to turn my estate into a theme park and live with a chimp named Bubbles? BUBBLES? I have done everything for you people. I literally cut off my nose to spite my face, I paid for my nose to be cut off. What's crazier than that? What? Yet you think I'm incapable of this. I bleached my skin, I'm anorexic to the point where my back keeps going out on me, and I have a child named blanket. When it comes to acting crazy, I think I've reached for the stars here."

Jackson sighed and sat back in his chair, which was carved to look like two young boys kneeling down to support his bottom with their hands.

"It was the family that did me in I guess. I knew I should have gotten someone more credible but you wouldn't believe how hard it is to find families who will let you sleep with their sons repeatedly after you've paid hush money to other boys. I thought we could get past that. I mean hey, the kid had cancer, you gotta give me some credit there. I slept with a cancer victim. Still it wasn't enough, I guess. It's never enough."

Jackson ruminated on his future. "I don't know what I'll do next to get arrested. Maybe I'll go dig up some corpses from a kiddie graveyard and turn Neverland into like a Thriller themed park. That might get some attention. Or I could just go shoot a Gymboree, I don't know, but this whole subtle molesting thing isn't working. You know it's often asked 'who do I have to fuck to get arrested in this town?' Clearly the answer doesn't lie with kids."

For his part the prosecutor blames Jacksons acquittal on his being too crazy. "A guy like that, you actually believe he might sleep with boys and not touch them. Once you go 'Bubbles the chimp crazy' anything is possible." The prosecutor also admitted that his motives in the case may not have been entirely pure. "Yeah I was pissed at Michael. See back in the '80s you couldn't get laid if you couldn't do the Moonwalk. The Moonwalk, what the fuck kind of dance was that? It looked retarded, and what did it have to do with the moon? Nobody knows. But as a white man in California I had no chance, and I had a hell of a dry spell. A hell of a dry spell. So yeah, I blame Michael Jackson, and no I've never forgiven him, but this was really about the children. The children and my having to beat off for 6 years straight because of that bastard."

As for other celebrity commentators on the trial Tom Cruise might sum it up best. "Is Michael Jackson crazy? Yes. Is Michael Jackson dangerous? Yes. Why? He lacks the proper vitamins. With a few good vitamins Michael Jackson could get himself back to his peak. I have personally-personally-helped over 1,000 performers regain their former glory after child molestation trials. I am so in love with Katie Holmes that it physically hurts me to breath the air on this planet because I know that she also exists on it. I want her so badly that I could screw dozens, dozens, of male porn stars, and remain totally heterosexual due to my love of her. That's what true love is, and I TAKE MY VITAMINS."

Truer words have never been spoken Tom. Truer words have never been spoken.

12:51 pm - With apologies to rpeate

Restaurant Review: Yo Mama.

I wanted something different to eat yesterday, so I thought, why not Yo Mama. I know you used to eat there a lot when you were young, so young that all you could handle was some milk, but I've never tried Yo Mama.

When I got there I have to say I was pretty impressed. Yo Mama looks good. For a 40-something year old institution I have to say that Yo Mama has kept in shape. Seriously, Yo Mama is well put together.

The seating was adequate. I wanted to dine Al Fresco, and I was seated pretty close to Yo Mama. I have to say that I wish I had been a little closer, though, because I couldn't smell Yo Mama, and from what I've heard Yo Mama smells absolutely delicious.

I was asked what I wanted pretty quickly and though the menu wasn't large there were some pretty appetizing things on it. I was in a sort of surf and cluck mood so I said I wanted to start with maybe some breast meat, and move on to like a fish taco or a clam. Yo Mama has a great fish taco, I've heard. Yo Mama brought out the breast meat pretty quick, and I have to admit it tasted good. It was succulent and juicy, something I get my mouth around and just slurp up, you know? A little salty, but that's to be expected. Yo Mama's been serving it to the neighborhood kids for years, and they all know what they're in for when they sample Yo Mama's breast meat.

Next came the fish taco and while it looked a little, well, old it was pretty good. Yo Mama says on the menu to dig right in, so I did, and it was as soft and moist as advertised. I really liked the feel of it, one of the best I've had. I have to say that Yo Mama did not disappoint.

The service was good. In fact I can honestly say I can't remember the last time I was serviced as well as I was with Yo Mama. The price was great too. It was so low I tried to tip, but I was told that Yo Mama doesn't accept tips. Yo Mama's slogan is "Service is a passion" and Yo Mama stands by that.

Will I be back to sample Yo Mama's goods again? I already have reservations for next week. For a good time, friendly atmosphere, and pleasurable experience at a rock-bottom price Yo Mama simply cannot be beat.
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