May 11th, 2006

Short hair suspicion

Surprise! I'm a whore.

How come in movies whenever a guy picks a girl up at some bar, and they go back to his room and have sex, and she springs it on him that she's actually a prostitute he pays up? I can't imagine a scenario where I would, barring a pimp with a SWEET hat holding a gun to my genitals. If a girl ever pulled that "Surprise I'm a whore!" shit with me, I'd just be like "Surprise, me too! And I charge more than you! Pay up."

I'm sorry. I have no problem with your selling your body for sex, but you can't just imply it, you have to say it ahead of time. I feel very strongly about this. You don't tell someone "Take whatever you want from the fridge" and then after they consume your meatloaf shout "Surprise! This is a restaurant!" Likewise you can't have sex first and discuss billing practices later. If I'd known you were a whore I wouldn't have bothered with all that sweet talk and massagy shit. We could have banged it out quickly in time to catch the Colbert Report.

No other business works this way, even shady ones. "Hey want to do a line of coke? Good stuff, huh? Surprise, I'm a drug dealer!" I guess I'm just asking prostitutes (especially fictional ones) to respect the basic rules of our capitalist society and announce their intent to trade goodies and services for cash BEFORE getting it on with the...getting it on. Is that so tough?
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