June 30th, 2006



When I was around 11 I went to Disney World. While there I saw the stupid Indiana Jones stunt spectacular (It was anything but) and got a crappy Indiana Jones revolver and novel.

I didn't read the novel until a few weeks later, in bed in my country house. It had action, adventure, suspense, and, most importantly, an Irish grad student named Desiree. And while I kind of wanted to be Indiana Jones while he fought the crappily written bad guys and whipped his way past the scary snakes, I really wanted to be him when he was fucking Desiree. God I wanted to fuck Desiree. This was the cusp of puberty and the understanding that girls were good for something other than whining when the boys got too loud at recess.

Desiree had green eyes and big breasts and I would have given my fucking Nintendo for 48 hours in a hotel room with her, which is saying something.

There are certain doors once gone through you can't go back out again. Desiree was such a door for me.

I just realized tonight that Desiree was probably around the age I am now. If I met her today she would not be the exotic older woman full of knowledge and mystery, she'd just be Irish Desiree. And while I'd still want to fuck her, it would be from a position of equality.

In a few years I'll be older than Desiree and trolling for her will be a little dirty-old-mannish.

Desiree will always be in her mid 20's and I'll keep getting older and we're never going to fuck, no matter how many Nintendos I give up.

Baby mama drama

Okay, the phrase "Baby mama/daddy" is OFFICIALLY out of control. It was one thing when it was restrained to the linguistic ghettos of the street and popular culture, but now it is starting to invade the hallowed halls of actual literary institutions. And it's horrible.

Not because it legitimizes non-partnered parenting. Because it's ungrammatical and INACCURATE! It was one thing when it was "Baby's mama" as it started, but to drop the possessive? *insert voice of Wallace Shawn* INCONCEIVABLE!

Also many of the children being discussed are NOT BABIES. You are not the baby mama of a 6 year old. You are the CHILD'S MOTHER!

We can't just start dropping possessives willy nilly. Where will it end? It won't. I am boycotting any publication that legitimizes the unforgivably ungrammatical nature of this phrase, and I request that y'all do the same.

Poll #759421 Call it like you see it

What to call the other parent of a person's child?

Dame/Sire of his/her bastard offspring
Co-Parent to his/her child
Child's mother/father
Baby's mama/daddy
Baby mama/daddy
*unintelligible grunting that cannot be recognized as speech*

Take a trip on the ship of me

I've been studying meditation some over the past few days and it's very good exciting stuff. It's helped pull me out of depression, center me, and given me a little bit of the direction I've been lacking. Plus Shinzen Young has a really nice, soothing voice. If you are a chick he could totally pick you up with it. Yes. Even you.