August 2nd, 2006


It's not the heat it's the


The temperature in New York City rose above "scorching" today to land in what most weatherpeople refer to as the "FUCK FUCK, OH GODDAMN IT'S HOT" zone. With the city government offering such helpful advice as "Whatever you do don't go outside" and "Try to avoid breathing the air" I'm pretty sure we've reached the "Now is the perfect time to panic!" zone. Try to avoid breathing the air? What the fuck are we supposed to breath?

I hate the summer. When the weather gets cold in the winter I feel sharp and alive. But the heat? Headaches, lethargy, and sticky sticky sweat. I leave my air conditioned room to go deal with something and come back looking like someone sprayed me with the hose.

This isn't about global warming, it's about the weather being way too fucking hot. There's a cold front coming, but apparently the heat's tiring it out too, since it won't be down until Thursday. Meanwhile we all broil.

What I really want to do is find some intelligent design advocates and be like "How about this? Is this fucking intelligent design? Is it being so hot that even the ice cubes are spontaneously combusting a sign that there's some brain out there making this all happen?" Fuck, I mean if there IS a God he's going to need a whole bunch of flunkies to keep all the heat-stroke victims from tarring and feathering his holy ass.

"What the fuck, man? I mean what the fuck?"
"Hey, dude. It's the weather. You know, what are you going to do?"
"Aren't you God? Can't you do anything?"
"Okay. Technically that's true. But if you'll just listen..."
"I'm gonna kick your ass."
"JOHN! Either the baptist or the other one. A little help here?"

All I'm saying is that if America is God's country and this is the shit he treats us he has clearly come to rely on our support regardless of what he does. I'll bet it's like 84 with a nice refreshing breeze in Saudi Arabia.

We should totally be voting for Vishnu. He's got four arms to fan us with. Jesus only has two. I'm just sayin'

Big Gibs

Mel Gibson has finally made his real apology for the things he said during his arrest in Malibu. It's a decent apology as these things go. Of course it's probably complete bullshit, but that's the problem with letting the cat out of the bag. It's hard to get her back in.

The question of whether to forgive Mel or not is an interesting one (putting aside the fact that he doesn't give a dime what any of us thinks of him, and he's got a lot of dimes.) On the one hand he's offered an appropriate apology and wants to put the whole sordid business behind him. On the other hand he's probably doing so at the urging of his publicist and in the hopes of salvaging his movie career. Personally I say he might as well be taken at face value, after all we all deserve a second chance, and a third one, and a fourth one. But if he were a politician this is the sort of thing I would NOT forgive, and would certainly not forget.

Either way, it's time to move beyond Mel Gibson and back to the huge clusterfuck that is the Middle East. I know that by making this post I only contribute to Mel-Mania, but frankly I do so for the same reason newspapers were so glad to glom on to him. This is a pretty simple issue with pretty simple solutions. The Middle East? Not so much.

One of the reasons celebrity news is NICE is because it's not overly taxing. You can say "Oh no he didn't!" or "I really like her" and move on. Try reading about Lebanon or Iraq and you get into nuance and confusion and no matter how well laid our your explanation is, you DON'T understand all of it. Nobody does. It's the aggregated actions of thousands of people, some of them dead, boiling over. We can say we get it, but we don't.

And so it's nice to read about an actor calling someone sugartits and then apologizing and going to rehab. That is highly grockable.