September 18th, 2006


Ain't not party like a papal party cause a papal party don't stop

There's some rotten shit in Denmark right now. The latest rounds of riots and whining from the Muslim world is over the POPE making a few statements that could be construed as anti-Islamic*. Instead of the rational response of "Oh that wacky wacky pope" the Muslim world is burning shit again, demanding extravagant apologies, and generally acting like a bunch of spoiled brats. There have been numerous threats of violence (many implicit, and from presumably 'moderate' sources) and just a general lack of perspective.

So here's some perspective.

1) He's the fucking pope. He doesn't represent Western society as a whole. He represents Catholics. A whole lot of Western history is about people getting tired of the Pope and fighting wars to get him out of their countries. So don't act like the Pope speaks for all of us. A lot of us don't like him either. The great mass of Western Christianity has developed from basically one sentiment. "Oh that pope, what a motherfucker." Don't lump us in with him.

2) He quoted someone else. Now I know that the majority of you guys are goatherds on some shitty hillside, but you need to learn to parse language. Or don't. Continue fucking your goats and controlling your women. It's what you guys are good at. Here in the West we enjoy fucking our women and controlling our goats, but, you know, that's just us. You party differently. But partying differently doesn't mean you can be an ignorant motherfucker and misunderstand everything anyone says. If you're not capable of parsing language because the only education you have is in fairy-tales about Mohammad, that's cool, too. Party on. But every Muslim country should have at least ONE guy with an eighth grade education who can say "Listen up my goat fucking friends. Turns out the pope wasn't speaking for himself. He was citing someone else. So let's all get pissed at the Byzantine empire. Oh that fucking Byzantine empire. I'd like to kick it in the balls."

3) You're so not special. Look you whiny goat fuckers, your religion isn't special to anyone but you. Islam is just another in a long line of deranged fantasies. So when it's insulted it's no different than any other religion gets namecalled. You guys do it ALL the time. "Christianity is a lie, Jesus was just a prophet." "Judaism is the religion of the devil!" Etc...etc... You know what? That's cool. Christians don't really mind when they're insulted. They like feeling persecuted, just like their hero. And the Jews? Well if you're insulting their theology you're not blowing yourself up in their pizza parlors, so HURRAY! The Jews are really easy to please. Just stop targeting their children for death and they will throw a fucking parade. They will offer you all the lox you can eat. Seriously. If you go to Israel right now and say "We'll stop killing your kids if you send us a lifetime supply of lox" they will GLADLY send their salmon smokeries into overdrive. The point is, if their religion is fair game SO IS YOURS. Muslims haven't progressed past the mindset of a seven year old, where they realize that theirs is not the only perspective. They think the Prophet Mohammad really is a holy guy (instead of a dead perv) and so they expect everyone else to think that way too. Not so fast, Charlie. We all have our sacred cows and our personal beliefs and to the majority of people in the world Mohammad is a loser. So when they say that you either need to just let it slide, or stop talking shit about everyone else's beliefs. Otherwise you're just a petulant little baby and deserve no attention or respect. Stop throwing tantrums or the world is gonna have to give you a timeout.

4) Stop comparing everything to the holocaust. Seriously. Just stop. It's getting old.

*If you ask me they weren't so much anti-Islamic as bizarrely esoteric. "It would be impossible for me to discuss this matter without bringing up the words of a Byzantine emperor, who said..." I guess that's the kind of shit you can do when you're the fucking Pope.