Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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I'm thinking of changing this journal's name to "Life, sans female nudity."

Yesterday I went for a longer walk than usual, even though my legs have been dead for the last week or so. It was a nice chance to clear my head. I've been enamoured with a quote of mine that I don't remember writing, "Wifebeating is among the most honorable of the beating arts." I think this is funny for two reasons. One it matches Wifebeating and honorable, two concepts that are usually considered disparate, and for another the term "beating arts." It recalls the idea of Martial Arts but sort of flips them on their head. Martial Arts are art because of the bodily movements and discipline they require, not because of the damage they inflict. The idea of beating arts implies that the actual harm is what makes it artistic, which is humorous. Together I think these elements make it an amusing sentence, one that I'm glad I can attribute to myself. Cause I rock. It would not be nearly as funny if it were "Domestic violence" rather than wifebeating.

On the downside, there's nothing that can be done with it. The idea of wifebeating itself is not at all funny, and I don't think it can be made so. I tried to work up a routine where it was an olympic event, and there were two efette British announcers saying things like "Look at the strap marks on her, absolutely marvelous. You see how he brings the belt up and down in such a fluid motion? I dare say you don't learn that overnight." or "Now you might feel sorry for some of these women, but remember that they chose to be here. Nobody made them mouth off to their husbands."

It's just not funny. I'm not sure why, I'm very amused by dark and taboo topics but this one doesn't work. I came up with some clever ideas, but they were clever without being funny. It might be because I'm feeling very misogynystic at the moment, thanks to the breaking of Mattie's heart 1 2 3. I always feel angry at women when they bust up my friends' feelings. My friend Gabe once said that he hated women because they control access to vaginas and they weren't giving him none. He has since shacked up with a French Woman, and while he's been playing the Heinz Gudarian to her Maginot Line he's sung a different tune. It is unfair that god handed out all the Poontang to chicks, and then made them confusing and womanly. Women don't understand how they can wrench a man's heart in two just by looking at him in a certain way. So many of them flirt for their own amusement and don't know the pain they can cause. It's just as bad as guys who go out there and screw random girls then don't call them in order to pump up their self-esteem, albeit in somewhat different ways. What the girls do is less defensible against, because a woman can decide not to sleep with a man on the first date, but how is a man supposed to not flirt with a woman on the first date? Therefore the guys who get mixed signals and shot through the heart have no reasonable way to defend themselves. On the other hand it's not as conscious and not quite as degrading. Nonetheless it makes me angry

While wifebeating is unfunny, the idea of high gay-concentration areas being used as a plan to exterminate them can be very funny. The thought that San Francisco is secretly run by extreme rightests who want to gather all the sodomites together so they can open hunting season on them is funny. Add in a tour guide saying "Safest game in the world to hunt. What are they going to do? Insult the cut of your shirt or throw their manpurses at you?" and you've got a good sketch.

Matthew sent me pictures of the trip including some terrible ones of me. I look a lot worse in them than I do in the mirror, and I don't exactly look like Rico Suave in the mirror. It's a bit of a downer because things had been looking up, but I don't really care. On the other hand, Matt looks much better in a photo than he does in person, where he resembles an extremely handsome mole.

I managed to lose weight this week despite eating fairly crappily. Good stuff but I'm worried that my thigh muscles are being eaten away and that's why they're so sluggish. Probably paranoid, but then again, I am pretty paranoid. It fits me then (unlike one of my shirts in those photos.)
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