Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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My mother is back and life has gone swiftly to helll. She came back pretty nice and it looked like things were going to be different this time. It lasted for about half an hour. Then everything spiraled downward so fast I didn't even have time to get dizzy.

The telephone
The bills
Her work
Her stress
Her stupid inability to figure anything out
Smidgeons of dirt
The same old recycled shit. I tried to defend myself with laughter and seeing through her psycho bullshit so she started playing mindgames. The calling out for me in a voice just loud enough to hear but muffled and unintelligable. The "BENJAMIN! BENJAMIN" "what is it?" "Nothing."

All the SAME OLD FUCKING GAMES. No need for articulate discussion of inner feelings when there's a monster roaming your house. I want to slit my throat. I want to run away. I'm 13 again and my dad's just killed himself and all this shit is too much.

I want to be able to stay the relatively mature controlled person I am when the islington horror isn't inhabiting my domicile. I want to BE A HUMAN. I just want to be human.

But I'm not. I'm a whipping post, a punching bag, a stress squeezem.

And one of these days, one day soon, I am going to pop.
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