Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Stop being such a chatty Cathy, some of us are trying to sleep. A long list of random shit

My dreams have too much dialogue in them. This morning I woke up to an infomercial. It was for some sort of 6 minute cooking system being promoted by an ex-lawyer who abandoned his practice to teach fast home-cooking to the world. Upon waking up I remembered his whole schpiel, including the line "Now I know not all of you went to law school, but in the practice of law we have something called precedence, which means that results are often influenced by past decisions. Now some of you may have had bad experiences with so-called speed cooking systems in the past, but this system is different. In other words, the precedents don't apply here."

Fortunately I've forgotten most of it, but whose brain comes up with lengthy snatches of infomercial dialogue in perfectly formed sentences? It worries me. Of course I should be used to my mind being invaded by unwanted words by now. I've heard voices in my head my whole life. Don't be concerned, I'm not "The voices tell me I need to cut off your nipple now but don't you worry because it's for God" crazy. I am fully aware that the voices come from my own brain. They're like the psychological equivalent of that reflexive knee action that occurs when the doctor whacks you with his rubber hammer. You know the movement comes from within but you're not necessarily in control of it. This is what happens to me. It's situational too. When I really have to piss but am not in a venue where doing so is socially acceptable (I.E. a restroom or a Subway station) I often get sexual messages from extremely loving women. When I'm tired and uncomfortable and still have miles to go before I sleep a cheerfully cynical young man will remark "So why don't you just kill yourself?" Or something like that. This doesn't mean I'm suicidal, just that those are the words that cross through my brain. Snatches of song often come to mind out of nowhere and sometimes mini-scenes from one of my running fantasies, like Do Not Fuck With Bob Reyersen. I consider it one of my eccentricities that help me delude myself into thinking that I am an unusual individual.

I know that I have been claiming that I will write about my views on Israel for awhile now and yet have not actually, you know, written anything about Israel. It's been a busy and tough week with little sleep. My views are still coming. I know they will probably offend some people because I believe the Palestinians are actually capable of doing wrong. This is a view that's controversial among many liberals, who believe that if your skin isn't white and you do something wrong then it's clearly because you were oppressed and mistreated by someone whose skin is white and not because you're an asshole. I am not planning on agreeing with the hardliners in Israel either. I don't support the settler twats nor some of the unecessary humiliations heaped upon a downtrodden people. I'm going to steal a line from David Cross and say that I also don't support those Jews who say that we might as well do some of the crap we're being blamed for and use the blood of Palestinian children to bake in our Passover Matzo. To that I say NO! Do NOT kill Palestinian children, drain their blood, and bake your matzo with it. I don't support that. That's bad. I'm against it. (I know that I am blatantly stealing from Mr. Cross, but the way I see it he's so knee deep in trim as a result of his comedy stylings that he doesn't give a shit. I imagine that if I called him to inform him the conversation would go something like this:

Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. "Hello, this is David Cross. I'm not available to answer the phone right now because I am putting the wood to some amazon goddess, or goddesses if you get my drift, but leave a message at the beep and I probably won't call you back because I'm famous now and don't have to pretend to care about people."


Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. "Hello, this is Da-"


Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring ring. Ring "Yello, this is David."

"Hi, David Cross, my name is Ben and"

"What do you want Ben? My refractory period is almost up."

"Well I just wanted to tell you I ripped off some of your old material in my blog."

"You're wasting my time with that bullshit? Look, I have real problems. There's this lithe Brazillian in the next room. She weighs like 20 pounds but her cunt wraps around your cock and squeezes like an Anaconda, drawing every last drop of semen out before she'll let you go. I don't know if she has hydraulics in there or what's going on, but I have like 3 minutes before she expects to be pleasured again. After that there are 8 models hanging out naked in my drawing room waiting to take a crack at the David. You're calling me to tell me you ripped off one of my bits for your little blog that's read by all of 2 people, one of whom is you? Which bit was it?"

"The one where you say you're against the killing of babies."

"Dude that's like 3 years old. Maybe if my body had energy reserves for anything besides bailing me out of this sea of pussy I'm drowning in I'd come over there and give you a beating, but as it is I don't even have the blood sugar level to give a rat's ass. Go crazy."

"Thanks a lot Mr. Cross."

"Hey, do you know where to get Viagra on the Internet for under $5 a dose? I'm going broke here."

"No. Sorry."

"Don't ever call here again." *Click*

A bunch of really bizzare stuff happened yesterday, and even though I can only remember half of it I thought I'd list it here:

1) Some kid, around 10, got on the subway with a box of candy and gave the fairly common new speech "I'm not selling this candy for my school or a basketball team but so that I can put a little money in my pocket and stay out of trouble." If you're a 10 year old kid hawking candy on the subway at 10:30 AM hasn't the whole stay out of trouble ship already sailed?

2) Near my work they were having a big fair. Right near the building I work in there was a professional cannoli eating contest. Professional eating is already crazy to begin with, but professional cannoli eating? That's not only the greatest gig ever, it's an early grave waiting to happen. The cannoli is one of those deserts that was designed by sweets haters to destroy those of us who enjoy desert a little too much. Full fat cheese with sugar and chocolate and pasty. The cannoli contest tied at 17 and then went through three sudden death overtimes. I do mean sudden death. 3 of the contestants had heart attacks.

3) I had to deliver a print of my Bosses film to a theater yesterday and that morning I saw in an old New York Times I happened to look through an article about said theater (well it was about cellphones in movie theaters, but it took place in that theater). It's a theater in Brooklyn that I've never been to.

4) On Thursday night (this would not be yesterday but nonetheless) I learned that on NBC's new sitcom "Joey" there's a mother-son combo where the actress is 5 years older than the young man who is playing her son. This bothers me greatly. kesmun chalked it up to what she calls "Hollyweird" and said she had more important things to pay attention to, something about a husband returning to Iraq, I tend to drown out things people say that aren't about me, but I was still bothered.

Regarding my recent malaise, I think it may be influenced at least in part by the fact that my job is not about me or what I want. While consciously I am aware that the world does not revolve around me, it is always a bit of a shock when this is proved to actually be the case. Being in school it can be easy to forget. School really does revolve around you and exist for your own personal growth. Jobs do not. My boss reminds me a lot of me of what I'll probably be like when I get older. I know It's supposed to be the other way around, but what can I say, I've never been one to do things the normal way. Anyway my boss is very hands on and very much into coming up with his OWN ideas. He doesn't leave a lot of room for creativity. That's fine, it's his office and he's not draconian about it, he'll listen to suggestions but generally not accept them. It could be that my suggestions are just shit, but I think it's more that he wants his own personal touch on everything. I feel...mechanical there and though I like some of the work and I'm very grateful for the position it's a process of adjusting. It's been a couple weeks, he probably doesn't trust me yet, which makes sense. He's a good boss, really, he even said "Thanks for a productive week" on Friday despite the big typo screwup. I'm also upset that I haven't been writing well. I haven't done my script. I haven't written a few other things. I need to get cracking on my own projects despite the reduction in prep time.

Speaking of which, I have an exercise from my group, and I'm going to be writing up a bunch of different attempts in this here journal. I don't want to spam people anymore than normal, so it's time again for everyone's favorite little ego-booster. The poll! Have fun kids.

Poll #352237 The writing exercise poll

Do you want to see my writing exercises or have them filtered from view?

I would like to see them. I enjoy laughing at poor attempts at creativity.
No, I don't need to read more of your crap!
No, you are only tolerable in moderation
I thought I got rid of you in my last friends list pogrom. Damn Jewish vermin, can't get rid of them. After the nuclear winter it will be them and the cockroaches
Stop posting polls, LOSER!
This poll has too many questions for such a simple question.
No seriously, it does.
I'm not kidding.
Your mother was a hamster and your father smelled of elderberry
You have such a long poll that I am sexually attracted to you.
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