Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Thoughts from a Bike

I went riding today for the first time in a couple of weeks. I haven't felt well enough or had time to do so for awhile and it was great to get back on the bike. Unfortunately for me it was a windy day. This was a non-issue on the way downtown, since the wind was behind me and if anything giving me a little boost of speed. This game me the confidence and comfort to go down a little bit further than I had intended. I ended up about half a mile from Battery Park feeling decent about the exercise, and started back. That's when I learned an important lesson about bicycle riding and wind. What might seem insignificant when it's behind you can seem very significant when it's in front of you. My speed dropped down to about 2/3s of what my normal return speed is, and I definitely found myself struggling to fight the wind. See I thought that headwind was something that happened to other people. People going very fast and wearing spandex while worrying about tens of miles per hour. This is definitely true, but it turns out that it's something that happens to me as well. With my, erm, wide body, and the mountain bike I was using, I found myself basically pushing a fleshy sail the wrong way against the wind, and it sucked.

Rather I should say it blew.

I briefly considered actually selling my bicycle somewhere and riding the subway back home, since I had no money with me and my knees were hurting and it just seemed like the longest five miles in the world on the way back, but that was a silly idea and it only took me about an hour and 20 minutes to peddle my way back. I wasn't even all that miserable either. It hurt, but in something of a good way, and satisfying. I enjoy putting myself in challenging situations and having to work my way out. 5 miles from home with sore knees, no money, and a super-strong headwind? Sounds good to me. Still, when I passed the sanitation depot and the trucks broke the wind I'd never been so happy to smell the filth of garbage in my life.

Anyway while I was on the bicycle I had a few thoughts, some of which I'd like to share. Of course most of those thoughts were things like "Bike riding, all the ass-pain of prison rape with none of the cuddling after" but those probably aren't worth repeating (And don't ell me there's no cuddling after prison rape. Why wouldn't there be? Because it's gay? Prison rape in and of itself is gay. I mean there's nothing wrong with it being gay, but it is. I haven't slept with any women and not once have I said to myself "Gee I wish I had a somewhat feminine man to rape in the ass." Why? Cause it's gay. 'Nuff said.)

The majority of my thoughts were about women, as per usual, but this time they were somewhat less sexual. See at the beginning of the ride I heard what sounded like a 12 year old boy singing "Freebird" behind me. I spent a few minutes wondering why a 12 year old boy even knew the lyrics to freebird, let alone was singing it on his bike. Well it turned out not to be a 12 year old boy. It was a woman in her 30s. Who sounded like a 12 year old boy. This is not completely unusual. Young boys in cartoons are almost always voiced by women. I started thinking about how ridiculously poorly designed women are. I mean come clean. Would you want to have the voice of a 12 year old boy when you were in your thirties? And what about the monthly bleeding? Not being as tall? Breasts? Don't get me wrong, I'm a huge fan of breasts, but they're ridiculous ornamental things. They might find occasional use in the feeding of children, but they aren't really necessary for that either. Most mammals don't have breasts, just nipples and milk udders that grow up when necessary. Dogs don't walk around with 5 extra pounds of fat hanging off them waiting for some day in the future when they might have to nurse children. Then there's osteoporosis and mood swings and never being comfortable with the temperature. It's just sort of silly. And then when they are actually with child, preparing for their breasts to serve a practical rather than ornamental function, well that's just a whole nother bag of worms. sounded funnier at like 8:30 AM on a bicycle in the raging wind. I'll have to note that.

My other main bike thought was about how much I love autumn. It's probably my favorite season. The temperature is perfect for me, I love watching the leaves turn, and it means winter is approaching with snow and lovely bitter winds and all of that. Despite the suckyness of biking into a headwind and despite the fact that summer is ending and I didn't accomplish my goal of writing something publishable, I'm looking forward to the fall. Better sleeping without the heat, bulkier clothes, and all those absolutely delicious foods that I'm way too fat to eat. Pumpkin pie and turkey with mashed potatoes and delectable nuts.

I didn't post about Israel this weekend but it was a tough week and I have a LONG day tomorrow. I have to go to work at 9 AM and I finish class at 10 PM. Yeah. No kidding. Today was devoted to football. The Giants and Jets both won in entertaining games. The Bengals beat the Dolphins at the last minute. My thoughts on the Giants were pretty simple. Kurt Warner looked good, the Giants defense was a combination of lucky and good, and Tom Coughlin is a better coach than I thought. He had the team disciplined and playing hard. Good game for them, but I still don't see them going far. 6-10 is about right. They capitalized on the Redskins' mistakes, but there were a TON to capitalize on and the G-men only won by 6.

I need to do some reading for class tomorrow morning before work. Being back in school is weird.

I also need to write more and, clearly, much BETTER. To do that I need some sleep.


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