Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Would he like a little big boy bootie?

I have a friend, and for a long time I've thought he might be gay. I don't remember exactly when or why I started suspecting, but it was at least a couple years ago and at the time and at first it was something minor that made me suspect, maybe the time he mentioned jerking off to some downloaded pornography only to learn that it was gay porn and the ass he had believed belonged to a female actually belonged to a guy.

This friend claims to have had sexual relations with women, and I don't particularly doubt him, but his attitude towards sex is rather bizarre. He complains about not having had an orgasm for years, and yet refuses to masturbate. He often talks about how important looks are too him and how he only wants beautiful women, and bashes the looks of a lot of celebrities. He says all women are pretty much the same. In general he talks like someone who's not actually attracted to women but wants me to think he is, accentuating physical attraction in an attempt to appear macho.

For a long time he didn't have a girlfriend, and there were reasons for this, chief among them that there weren't any prospects. I know that situation well. Later some prospects appeared but there was always something wrong with them, sometimes something minor. Recently he became involved with someone, and he contacted me to tell me that "White girls give bad head" because he didn't orgasm during oral sex. Now this guy claims he hadn't had an orgasm in YEARS. I know from personal experience that when a guy hasn't blown his load in a long while it comes really easy to him, like far less than 60 seconds easy. He claims he couldn't cum.

This guy is homophobic. He has said that he would disown his son if he were gay. I think that's a reflection of his fears of how his traditionalist mother would react to finding out he was gay. He's constantly using the word 'gay' as a pejorative.

I'm worried about him. Worried that he's so strongly against the idea of being gay that he's going to continue to deny it for decades to come, and probably get married to a woman he's not attracted to and doesn't love (He wants to get married, but once again he views all women as pretty much the same except for looks, indicating to me that he doesn't ever have romantic feelings for them.) I'm worried that he'll convince himself that because he's capable of orgasming with women he's straight, and deny who he really is. I think iconoclast and most textbooks will back me up when I say that being able to achieve orgasm with a woman does not make you straight.

I guess I have a couple of questions.

A) Other than telling him that I don't care what his orientation is, which I have, is there anything I can do to help him? Would talking to him about these issues be a service or a disservice?

B) How fucked up is it that in 2004 we still live in a society where people are afraid of/disgusted by the idea that they might be homosexual? Can't we get OVER it already? I can think of about a million things a man can do to another man worse than loving him, and not that many that are better.

C) Is there any chance this guy is in fact straight and just has a lot of hang ups about women and sex?

D) How many people think that my "friend" is actually me? It's not, but I know that when you start a post with "I have this friend" people are bound to assume that you don't ACTUALLY have this friend. I've also been talking about gay issues a lot recently, but mostly because I think that the gay marriage bans were a particularly vicious and terrible part of this last election. They were preemptive bans on people's rights and they were presented like "If you don't vote for this then your church will be forced to marry men to men and you'll have to have anal sex every night.
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