Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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It's a knee scratcher alright.

In a further development of my brother's boyfriend's family situation, it turns out that his son got the girlfriend pregnant and that she's no longer the girlfriend, but the wife. She also wrecked their car, so for now they're living up there in my room until they can get the car fixed and get back to school. This is exactly the sort of thing I predicted would happen when my mother got involved with this family, and one of the reasons I didn't want to go to Thanksgiving. Don't I have enough bullshit in my life without screwed up family stuff interceding? Do I really need to be a part of all that?

I've decided to relax on pushing myself with Everyday Flood, which may be an example of trying to run before you can walk. I think the idea is sound and I have some good stuff there, but I can't make it fit together in a way that's anything short of embarrassing. That's to be expected given my lack of experience and the complexity of what I was attempting, so I'm not treating as a disappointment. The truth is I've been trying to figure out what I should be writing right now. It's time to stop dicking around and start churning out work. I say that a lot, but this is generally how I operate. I come up with an idea of what I should do, I repeat it to myself over the course of a few months or even years so that I get used to it, and then I feel comfortable actually starting up and hitting the ground running. People who don't have faith in me should remember what happened with college. I went, got depressed, dropped out, spent a year sitting on my ass gaining 70 pounds and playing Everquest, then convinced myself I should go back, returned, and graduated Magna Cum Laude in 3.5 years with a double major from an Ivy League university. Now I decided I wanted to really make a go at writing and filming in the early Spring of this year. I've spent the last 9 or so months talking about it and thinking about it and getting used to writing every day, even if it was just something in the stupid journal. That's enough time to get into the habit of it, now it's really crunch time to see if I can start doing things more complex and interesting. I'm not sure what the format will be. My boss suggested that I should work up some skits to try and get a comedy writing gig with Saturday Night Live or something, which I took as a big compliment since I never revealed that as an ambition, I just naturally come up with stuff off the top if my head.

I should start setting aside time every day, a couple hours, to force myself to write. Maybe in the morning or the early evening. It's tough with my schedule but terribly necessary.

I also have a few ideas of things I want to implement as New Years resolutions. It might be premature to talk about them now, or at least you might ask "If you're thinking of them now why not implement today?" but like I said, I take time to adjust to things. It's best to get used to the ideas ahead of time so I can hit the ground running in January. It may just be an excuse for procrastination but it's one I need right now.

#1) Learn to cook. This is paramount. At the end of this year assuming that nothing drastic happens I'll be down something like 40-50 pounds from the beginning, which is a start, but the smaller you get the less you can eat and that's where cooking becomes critical. I need to be able to prepare my own relatively healthy meals that I actually like. I'm convinced that this is an important part of the equation I'm missing and I'm going to implement it this coming year.

#2) Exercise regimen. I don't need to explain why this is critical, but I must ritualize it.

#3) Learn to drive. My class will be over and I'm not going to be taking another one. I have got to learn how to operate a motor vehicle. My lack in this area is quickly plummeting from humorous eccentricity to pathetic gaping hole in my resume and personal abilities..

#4) Go to more film 'events' in the city. Get a subscription or membership to the big indie places like Film Forum that let you do so, and take advantage of it. Working for my boss has exposed me to a lot of the stuff going on and I have no real excuse for not getting more involved, except that doing so would expose me to hipsters. Damned dirty vintage ashtray selling hipsters! I really ought to get over my hipsterphobia and explore anyway, though. Face it or not that's the world I've been called to. A world full of overpriced belts and under-thought theses.

There will probably be more coming later.

Also while I was typing this up I thought of an idea for an interesting and if not fun at least worthwhile. I want to make a documentary about my attempt at weight loss starting in January, which one again is a cliche but reasonable time to start such a thing. I don't expect it to be anything that hasn't been done before, but I see a lot of upside. For one thing we COULD do something really special, since I think it's a certain niche that hasn't really been explored yet. For another we'd at least get practice with all the technical aspects and technique of making that kind of doc. For yet another I might have something to show to film schools. It would also act as a real spur to lose weight, a way to hold myself accountable, a way to get more comfortable with my body (or at least used to dealing with it) and something to spend time working on.

I also want to look towards buying a few tools for myself. One is a voice recorder so I can get down thoughts from my walks, which is often when inspiration strikes me. The second is a small laptop or word processor so I can go write without access to the internet or porn or video games or any of my favorite distractions. I think being able to write without access to distractions is a critical step on my journey to being what I want to be when I grow up.

And now for something completely different:

I don't usually do "Memes" but this one was too good to pass up, since it described the Bush Doctrine perfectly. I stole it from nikkie_noo who is weak and meek and completely unable to defend herself from being pillaged, a worthy compliment to the answer.

war is love
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