Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Republican Public Service Announcement.


There has been a Gay Warning issued against the cartoon character Spongebob Squarepants. He is suspected of being infected with the gay after his appearance in a video promoting the disease that Michael Savage tells us can kill you faster than anything: tolerance. Although he lacks genitals or any sort of similar creature to be gay towards his refusal to promote the justifiable imprisonment and murder of those who practice the abominable gay lifestyle marks him as a very likely perpetrator of homosexualness. Please remit any Spongebob video or merchandise items you may have to your nearest church for burning along with other dangerous or outmoded cultural objects such as the American constitution. If your child persists in talking positively about Spongebob you are urged to send it away to some bastion of heterosexual pride such as an all boys military academy or a Catholic school. If you see Spongebob or one of his cohorts in person please do not attempt to engage or understand them, lest you put yourself and your family at risk for GAIDS or, worse of course, tolerance.

Remember, in this time of great glory when we are sending young people to die in a justifiable conflict to bring freedom to the world we MUST NOT allow freedom to blossom at home. Young people must be constantly reminded that loving someone like yourself is an offense against god. You must tell them that when Jesus commanded them to love their brother and their enemy he was trying to be sarcastic, and that that sense of humor hasn't been properly translated but is definitely in the original text, which they must not read. Jesus hated homos, so should you.

We are also removing the gay warning from Mets Catcher Mike Piazza because he's getting married, something that gays can't do (Just like vampires can't cross running water.)

This announcement brought to you by the early Gay Warning system, a foundation formed in the aftermath of Ryan Seacrest getting a part on American Idol.
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