Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Fucking Patriots.

I don't want to die. I really really don't want to die. Other than the obesity I have no particular reason to think that I will in the near future, but it's just something that hit me all of a sudden and has me in a little bit of shock. For a very long time I didn't think I cared whether I lived or died. I contemplated suicide and only decided against it because of its permanence. If living or dying didn't matter to me then I might as well live because rationally I could kill myself at any time but could not will myself back to life after I died. Whenever the urge would get overwhelming I would dull it with sensual pleasures. It is impossible to want to die while eating Ben & Jerry's ice cream. I dare you to try it.

I'm just enjoying my life right now, even the difficult parts and the depressions, as oxymoronic as that might seem. Yesterday I spent most of the day indoors just watching films and relaxing. It was nice. Really nice. I haven't been able to relax like this in a long time. Then around 12:30 in the morning the Israeli picked me up and we picked up his girlfriend and went to his house to watch "The Five Obstructions" which is an amazing film that everyone ought to see even if they hate it. It's especially nice to see on a big widescreen TV because the images are so outstanding they need to be seen as sharply as possible. One of the most inspiring parts of the film is how Jorgen is pushing 70 and still manages to create films with a clarity and brilliance that far outshine most of contemporary cinema. I am always encouraged by the accomplishments of aging people. I think that the focus on youthful accomplishment in our society is opposite to what it should be. What's more optimistic than believing you are still capable of greatness even into the twilight of your years? We are too much focused on what in sports is known as "Upside" these days, which is to say potential. Oftentimes we ignore what is for what might eventually be. It is true that Jorgen will likely not be a great filmmaker in 20 years, he will quite likely be dead, but he is a great filmmaker now, and that ought to be enough. The film was a reminder of the incredible artistry that can be achieved via the motion picture camera and how often it is not even attempted. For the cost of one Z-grade post-apocalyptic thriller good filmmakers could make a hundred pieces of aesthetic brilliance, and a dozen consciousness expanding works of artistry.

I ended up leaving my friend's house at 3:30 and walking home through the snow. I got to sleep at 5:30 which made today a sleepy pleasant haze. The wrong teams won both football games making the superbowl a given for being a boring predictable game where the Iggles lay down for the Patricians.

Johnny Carson died today. I made some great contextual jokes about it.
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