Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

What it means to be in Maine

So the sun is setting on my last day in Maine. It's been a lot nicer than I expected. I think I really needed to get out of the city and remember what it's like to be somewhere away from people and where you can engage with nature. I swam out far in the lake today, far enough that my mother couldn't see me from where she was sitting on the dock, and for the first time in a long time I was alone in a profound way. There's something about being in a body of water which stretches out past the horizon that is truly special (not that I was foolish enough to swim out past the point where I could see the shore, it's not even possible in this lake, but to one side the water stretches out for miles and miles) A couple people on a passing boat waved to me as I bobbed in the water (I didn't get my hair wet because it seemed a neat challange to swim out that far without letting water get on my hair) but other than that the closest thing to company I had was the loons.
I realized that I hadn't been swimming for a VERY long time. It was something I used to be good at and I'm a little rusty but I still feel very comfortable in the water and don't fear drowning or even swallowing any water I don't want to. There are so many things that I take for granted as parts of myself that I haven't engaged in SO long it's somewhat sobering. When was the last time I rode a bike? Or took a hike up a mountain. The thing is that doing these things alone is kinda boring and sad, and I have nobody to do them with. If I asked most of my friends they would think I was either joking or hitting on them. They are not outdoorsy types.

And once again I wish to be older. I'm tired of schooling and fooling around and 19 year old friends and feelings of uselessness. I have a lot more to say but I don't think I should spend this last day here typing up journal entries so I will say more later. I just felt the need to mark my time in the lake as special in the hopes that I will never again forget who I am and the parts of me that I have long forsaken.
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