Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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This is why I don't do Memes

Yesterday at about 1:30 AM, while I was switching phones during a 3 hour marathon conversation with my friend Aaron, I did a Meme. It was late, I wanted to stay alert and not drift off to sleep because we were discussing important issues (Where's the moral line between looking out for yourself and unfairly gaming the system?) but I didn't want to waste energy doing something productive. Those are the excuses, here are the results.

Your dating personality profile:

Liberal - Politics matters to you, and you aren't afraid to share your left-leaning views. You would never be caught voting for a conservative candidate.
Big-Hearted - You are a kind and caring person. Your warmth is inviting, and your heart is a wellspring of love.
Intellectual - You consider your mind amongst your assets. Learning is not a chore but a constant search after wisdom and knowledge. You value education and rationality.
Your date match profile:

Practical - You are drawn to people who are sensible and smart. Flashy, materialistic people turn you off. You appreciate the simpler side of living.
Shy - You are put off by people who are open books. You are drawn to someone who is a bit more mysterious. You want to draw her out of her shell and get to know what she is all about.
Athletic - You aren't looking for a couch potato. You seek someone who is active and who keeps her body in top shape.
Your Top Ten Traits

1. Liberal
2. Big-Hearted
3. Intellectual
4. Wealthy/Ambitious
5. Athletic
6. Adventurous
7. Practical
8. Funny
9. Sensual
10. Shy
Your Top Ten Match Traits

1. Practical
2. Shy
3. Athletic
4. Conservative
5. Intellectual
6. Adventurous
7. Big-Hearted
8. Funny
9. Traditional
10. Stylish

Take the quiz at the Dating Diversions Site - Dating Jokes - Dating Advice



.........

In terms of what it said about me I'd only have to disagree with athletic and sensual. Those two aren't even so bad, since I want to be Athletic and have been so in the past, and because the only reason I am not a sensual person is because of my Himalaya sized inhibitions. Then we get to my top ten matches. I was expecting "Doesn't exist" and "Low standards" to lead the pack, but no it's practical. That's cool, makes sense. Next is shy, which is sort of weird but makes sense. I would say more "quiet" than shy, but I certainly would prefer someone who isn't out there partying or engaged in obnoxious social circles. Athletic is third, which is sort of weird but not that problematic. Who wouldn't prefer a fit girlfriend? And there's certainly nothing WRONG with it, so long as she doesn't do crew or anything because that would make her a dyke.

When I read the next one I heard a little music clip from the Gap Band's only known hit in my head.

Conservative? What the fuck? I had no idea how to react to that one, it was like someone had tossed a lit stick of dynamite on me. No, No. I do not want that. No.

Then it went on to say "Intellectual, Adventurous, Big-Hearted, and Funny" which are all absolutely wonderful traits except that they DIRECTLY CONFLICT WITH CONSERVATIVE. Conservatism is shedding intellectuals like a wheat harvester shooting out chaff, and adventurous big-hearted people are almost by definition liberal. If you want to maintain society in the rigid roles and customs it has had for thousands of years oppressing untold billions of people, you're not adventurous. If you don't sympathize with the plight of the underclass and realize that SOMETHING has to be done to even the playing field in a society where the deck is so heavily stacked towards the wealthy that it makes Las Vegas look like a money-donation program, you're not big-hearted.

And she's traditional. TRADITIONAL? So this adventurous big-hearted practical woman is saying "Fuck the poor, donate to the church!?" It's not that I object to any and all traditions, I do love those ancient Greek philosophers, but TRADITIONAL? This is the point where someone with a gun and cash to burn would have got his gun and shot up the monitor.

Then I realized something. This woman doesn't exist, and if she did I'd probably hate her. The program was saying "Doesn't exist" after all. Phew.

Anyway, this is why I so rarely do memes. They rile me up too much, and not in a good way. That being said, if you're a practical shy girl with a taste for adventure and a love of oppressing minorities and the church, drop me a line. It's not like you're too busy seeing as, you know, you don't exist.