Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

I got a molotov cocktail with a match to go, I smoke my cigarette with style

I'm going to start off this little message to Dr. X by something that will hopefully not embarass him too much. When I wrote about people trusting me I was not refering to Dr. X although I understand why he might think I was. I was talking about someone I know in real life and someone else who does read this journal from time to time. I know how embarassing it can be to egocentrically think someone was talking about you and then realize that they were not, but I also don't want to make Dr. X think that I have some inflated view of myself with respect to his thoughts about me.

I am a proud man and I don't want anyone thinking less of me when that view is correctable.

Dr. X did tell me a rather personal story about his past and if it is true I do judge him a bit for it. Not neccesarily as a bad person but as someone who exercised poor judgement in this situation and should not have done what he did. Not a huge deal but a mistake. And though the END result of the whole ordeal seems to have been positive I submit that had certain different choices been made the result could have been MORE positive even if that seems completely impossible to Dr. X for reasons which are obvious to him and not possible for me to share here without giving out the whole story.

I should also mention that the subject lines of my journal entries are almost always quotes from songs, and usually from songs by the bands I am listening to while writing the entry. So "Ask yourself a question, anyone but me....are you free?" is not a Socratic original. Rather it is a lyric from the CD "Siamese Dream" by the smashing pumpkins. Want to know what he means by it? Ask Billy Corgan.

Personally I take it to mean you are not free. Nobody is totally free, we all face restrictions and we all chafe against them.

I guess that's all I have to say to Dr. X right now except to admonish him to stop whining about how unwanted and intrusive his letters supposedly are. They are neither and I like them fine. Insecurity is MY game and I won't have a competitor for the crown of least self secure on the turf of MY journal.

I have other stuff to say but not the wherewithal to say it at present. Mistakes are irritating. Especially when you tell yourself you won't make them right before you do.

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