I showed my script to my boss and he was encouraging. He said that it needed some deep cuts, but mostly in the descriptive passages. I was trying to direct the short from the writer's chair, which doesn't work, but I kind of knew I was doing that, I was just worried that a reader wouldn't understand the nuance of the material without visual instruction. He thinks the comedy stands on its own and that it could be slimmed down to 3-4 pages (from 7) and be a really strong slim little calling card to say "I can write." I'm happy with it. I'm not going to start cutting right away, though I probably will this weekend. If any of you folks are interested I can send you a rich text format version of it. I'd post it here but the formatting doesn't work, and formatting is important. I will warn ahead of time that right now it is not a smooth read because of the aforementioned laboriously long descriptive passages. Keep in mind that those passages would not actually appear on the screen, and unlike a novel how a script reads is not nearly important as how it performs. If people want to give feedback that'd be great, but please read the whole thing first. Nothing is less helpful than "I got three paragraphs in and I got bored because I have the attention span of a dead frog." I thought up a new set of much slimmer quicker skits tonight on the train and tomorrow will be dedicated to writing them up. My immediate goal is that when mid May rolls around and I need to get a job I will have some professional quality samples to send out and take a stab at getting some sort of writing job. It's all I want to do and I owe it to myself to try. At some point you have to start taking your shots and collecting your rejection letters. Success is built on the pyre of a thousand failures. That's my new mantra.
P.S. I have officially graduated to "Token Straight Liberal in iconoclast's journal, which is great because he has been certified as one of THE most controversial gays on LJ. If you like your snausage slurpin' with a side order of controversy he's your man.