Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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I forced myself to write these so they come off very forced. I spent a lot of today sleeping, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. My body needs to recover. I have lost weight, so that's good, but the treadmill is REALLY starting to break down on me. I need a service guy here like 3 weeks ago. When I call Monday I am going to start yelling at people, and not in a nice way.

Pat Sajak has come out blasting liberals for their liberal ways. He’s not much of a political analyst and I’d tell him not to quit his day job, but actually, I kind of wish he would.

Conservatives are delighted about the upcoming papal conclave. The college of cardinals is the worst party school this side of Oral Robert’s U and they’re hoping that the Cardinals will set an example. All except Dionigi Tettamanzi who’s against burning heretics and thus unacceptably PC.

There’s a new Mormon online dating service called . It features a lot of stuff other dating sites don’t, like a polygamy compatibility test, free chaperoning, and a partial refund for any month during which the rapture occurs.

Speaking of the rapture, it has come out that the Bush White House has a “Rapture Readiness Plan” that includes a presidential replacement for when Bush is whisked up to heaven by Christ. The Clinton Administration had a similar plan, called the “Ecstasy Protocol.” It mostly involved doing a lot of E.

Inventor Troy Hurtubise is creating a device that would allow him to see through solid walls. It has only one side effect, in that it delivers a dose of radiation greater than that of a small atomic bomb to its target. In other news cancer rates among Canadian co-eds are expected to soar over the next few years.

Mike Tyson is returning to the boxing ring, saying that “Being batshit insane just isn’t paying the bills like it used to. It’ll get you elected Majority Leader in the senate, but it won’t pay the bills.”

Tom DeLay continued to face pressure to resign this week. Critics say that the sort of blatant nepotism, incompetence, and sheer bald-faced thievery he engaged in during his last campaign has no place in the U.S. Senate. It belongs in the White House.

Prince Harry, due to begin training as a UK army officer next year, apparently failed his computer skills assessment test. The instructors said that the only website Harry could find was that of the Aryan Nation.
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