Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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I could turn you inside out, what I choose not to do

I hurt.

Physically. My left shoulder and back area is throbbing. I probably wrenched it out a little while carrying the canoes back from the dock in Maine and then agravated it lifting weights today. Such things happen. It's actually nice to be able to trace my rather testy mood to something as simple and understandable as a pulled muscle. Time was that I would just hurt inside and not be able to deal with it but that time seems like it was a million years ago. Inside I feel strong and confident and balanced. Low center of gravity and ready to take the hits that always seem to come.

I like this hurt. This hurt that makes SENSE.

I'm not sure how I feel about myself right now. It's a strange thing to feel secure and not know why. Better than being insecure and not knowing why. I survived the summer with virtually no scars. That's astounding.

I am letting my mind rest recently in preparation for school. I am thinking that maybe this time I should try to reach out and grab the material rather than waiting for things to happen the other way around. I want to learn, I want to be special, I want to shine. I might as well TRY to start now.

I want to write but I'm too content to whine. I'm dipping into exhaustion and irritation with the pain but at the heart of things I'm alright.

How wierd is that?
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