Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Bowel obstruction or gut full of guilt? I'm not sure what the official diagnosis will be in my tiny obituary, but I'm pretty sure it's going to be intestinal.

For the past few days my colon has been collecting shit like it was pogs and this was 1997. I don't want this shit that's been accruing, I keep urging my colon to release it into the toilet and let me get on with my life, but it poo-poos my suggestion and keeps on keeping on, gathering it up for some unknown purpose. I was already going to the doctor tomorrow so he could tell me that I'm fat and will die very young, now he'll tell me to take more fiber. I am already taking fiber. My colon doesn't CARE about the fiber. I don' t know what it wants. Maybe blood?

Side note: I took the term "Runner's Low" from mazzie because she wrote about how she didn't get the runner's high. I was attempting to EXPLAIN to her that it's not all fun and sun, there is a downside and that downside is not really knowing your limits and even if you do know them not respecting them because you're FUCKING HIGH. Instead of thanking me for sharing this VITAL information she accused me of being a plaguerist and a bad person. She used some pretty strong language, most of which I will not repeat here except to say that I have not, nor do I intend to, engage(d) in sexual congress with any sort of shellfish. I apologize mazzie, apologize for attempting to share my wisdom and communicate. Apologize for wanting to explain something to you and not making it utterly clear to everyone else what your linguistic formation was. Most of all I apologize for thinking that we had the kind of friendship that allows for imitation as the sincerest form of flattery. Please call off your lawyers.

P.P.S. Larry David has blog entries on Arianna Huffington's new web page so I can NEVER insult it. I have SUCH the hetero mancrush on his GENIUS!

P.P.P.S. mazzie did not call me a clamfucker. She simply called me a thief. Which I am. But she should be thankful.
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