Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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All fact

In light of last night's post many of you have expressed interest in learning more about the magical creature known as mazzie who accused me of pilfering her brilliant phrase "Runner's Low." I have agreed to share some information on a strictly need to know basis, and everybody needs to know because:

mazzie could destroy the world in under 10 seconds using any one of her 78 nuclear weapons.

mazzie was born with a third arm, but she wished so hard she turned it into a pumpkin.

mazzie is fifth in line for the Turkish throne, EVEN IF THERE IS NO TURKISH THRONE!

mazzie is the unofficial creator of the Etch-A-Sketch.

mazzie's teeth are so white that they are a NATIONAL TREASURE.

mazzie invented multi-digit numbers in her sleep.

mazzie is a genius AND a genus!

mazzie profiled Don Mattingly for Vanity Fair, in under 12 minutes!

mazzie refuses to this day to sex up U2 member "The Edge" for fear he may fall in love with her.

mazzie is very low in saturated fat but will raise your cholesterol out of SPITE!

mazzie once lived in Walla Walla Washington. It was her idea to add the second Walla.

mazzie has twelve toes...ON EACH FOOT!

mazzie is a certified astronaut but refuses to go to space because "Vacuums suck"

mazzie is not now nor has ever been a member of the Republican Party.

mazzie's life was the inspiration for the film Rudy, and also Terminator 2: Judgment Day.

mazzie can cauterize a wound with laser vision, but cannot fly without the assistance of a plane or a giant bird.

mazzie thinks marijuana should be legal, but only for hippies.

mazzie once orally serviced Oral Roberts, but not in the way you are thinking.

mazzie was once mistaken for Ann Coulter, by ANN COULTER!

mazzie is composed entirely of pure love and sesame seeds.

mazzie cannot touch her own bellybutton with her tongue unless she bends her neck.

mazzie fought the law, and the law LOST!

If you have any other questions about mazzie or wish your own SECRET INFORMATION made public please comment here.
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