Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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The truth will out

So nosearmy wants the truth of himself to be revealed, and me to be the revealer. Sit back people, this won't be pleasant. As we all know, he's no mazzie. Not by a long shot. In fact:

nosearmy was once a famous horticulturalist, but his mad experiments destroyed the lost continent of Atlantis, and now he works in Tic Tac sales.

nosearmy once took home a lady from a club and in the morning she shouted "Surprise, I'm a man!" and then he said "No you're not!" and it was, in fact, a lady!

nosearmy conquered Laos but abdicated the throne because the food was "Laos-y"

nosearmy once injured his wrist saving a puppy from the evil grasp of Sean Hannity.

nosearmy isn't a born again Christian, in fact he was NEVER BORN!

nosearmy has a dozen different smiles, but they all mean "I want to fuck you like an animal."

nosearmy met Kyle MacLachlan and said "I am your biggest fan" but they both knew it was a lie.

nosearmy can only get an erection if his sexual partner is on fire.

nosearmy is neither gas nor solid, but he is definitely not a liquid either!

nosearmy doesn't know where his clothes come from, they just appear in his closet.

nosearmy is genetically identical to moss.

nosearmy wrote Foreigner's hit "Hot Blooded" but lost the court battle when he couldn't remember the lyrics.

nosearmy was Karen Allen's butt double in Animal House.

nosearmy never kicks a man when he's up.

nosearmy comes from Nantucket and doesn't know what the big deal is about that.

nosearmy coached Argentina to its 2004 gold medal in basketball...BY ACCIDENT.

nosearmy thinks the worst part of being colorblind is that it's hard to be a racist.

nosearmy is wanted in 49 of the fifty states, but eludes capture to this very day.

nosearmy is very sorry about the Maine, but will not explain why.

nosearmy used to beat prostitutes with coathangers, but only because he HATES COATHANGERS.

nosearmy knows eighteen recipes for cooking zebra but he can never fall in love.
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