Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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I'm normally a loner but right now I feel really alone. Maybe it's these damn country songs I've been listening to. I'm missing the intimacy of even a close friendship at this point and that hurts. I've never had a girlfriend but I've pretty much always had a best friend and I don't anymore. Being 19 is really hard. Being any age is hard I guess. I want to be older and more mature, so I can start to really build a life. Now I know that it's possible to build a life at any point in time, but most of the people my age just don't interest me, but I'm not interesting enough myself to hang with the big boys.

I'm way too contradictory in too many ways. Christ I'd give up all the stuff that's good in my life, the money and the supposed brilliance, just for a taste of peace. No I wouldn't, but I would like to believe that there's something at the end of this road I'm traveling. I hate having to do all this stuff with no guarantees. There are no guarantees in life but goddamn it I want one. I wish I believed in god.

I honestly think that if someone gave me a chance I could make them happy. I honestly believe that, but doesn't everybody? This monologue isn't really a good way to communicate, I keep coming up with conventional thought that everyone has had. What's the point of my posting if I'm just going to re-iterate shit you already know? Maybe next time I'll talk about how I think things should be rather than why I'm unhappy with how they are. There's a good chance you won't give a damn either way.
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