Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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M.J. Plans his new tour

Michael Jackson just announced on his website that he is planning a new concert tour, to kick off with a two hour special on UPN. The tour will consist of him performing new music and old hits, as well as several other prominent groups and solo acts. It is to be called the "Michael Jackson I would totally screw these artists tour."

"I love touring and I love my fans." Said Michael Jackson in a statement from his Neverland Ranch. "I also love adult human females and their ladyparts. While in the past I have professed my love for children and their lovely innocent selves I would like with this tour to demonstrate how much I enjoy the company of women who are over the age of 18 and possess 2 X chromosomes and no Y chromosome. That is the kind of woman I prefer."

Jackson went on to describe some of the artists on the list. "I am really proud that we managed to get Beyonce Knowles to perform on this tour. She has what I would describe as a luscious fanny, a very round and feminine tushy, and one that I greatly appreciate in how much it is not flat like that of a little boy. In fact I would say that Beyonce's bodacious buttocks are about as far as you can get from a little boy's tight little bumbum. Teehee. Furthermore I must express my desire to tap the aforementioned bottom belonging to miss Beyonce Knowles. I sure would like to hit that."

"We also have Ms. K.D. Lang on tour with us, and let me say that she is very very sexy. I must admit that K.D. Lang and I have engaged in many carnal relations over the past years, and I believe that she has as much desire for me as a man as I do for her as a woman. When we are together the sparks are extremely electric, and let me say that when she shares my bed with me it has a very distinct difference from what it's like when I share my bed with children. One is a pure pristine experience born out of loving friendship, and the other is a deeply carnal collision of unbridled sexuality and lust. Hee hee hee. K.D. Lang is a beautiful lady and I am glad to have her on this tour of women I would totally screw."

"I must add that we also are featuring world-famous performer Janet Jackson, another woman I would love to have sex with. When Janet Jackson exposed her nipple to the world during that super bowl I must admit that I got a woodie. Some might assume it was from the two boys who were sitting on my lap at the time, but that is not true. It was from the beautiful appearance of the female breast, and Janet's is a breast I would love to fondle. Janet and are like two souls in the same body, I feel like I have known her forever. When we make love it will be like we are shattering the rules and laws of society with our unbridled passion. What I can't help thinking is, if Janet is this beautiful, how hot must be her mother? Teeheee."

"Our final participant in the women I would to screw tour is...Li'l Bow Wow why how did you get on this list you naughty boy? It looks like someone needs a spanking. You are not a woman and I would not want to screw you. I would never want to feel the softness of your budding pectorals beneath the warm caress of my pale hands. Nor the gentle wetness of the inside of your mouth as I run my tongue over yours and they embrace. That would disgust me beyond all other things. Oh Li'l Bow Wow This tour is not for you, but I do hate to disappoint my fans, tee hee. I guess I will just have to make due. Hee hee"

There will be other women on the tour with Michael, but in order to protect them from his animal lust they will be asked not to speak to, look at, or be in the same room with Michael while on tour. This is because his pure sexual lust could grab hold of him at any time and force him to do things he will regret. Things he would never do to a young boy sleeping in his bed.

The tour will start at the Apollo theater in New York City where the UPN special will be filmed and then proceed to the following venues:

Greendale Community Center - Greendale New York
Pawtucket Elementary School Auditorium - Pawtucket Massachusetts
The West Hensington Gymboree- West Hensington New Hampshire
The Gail Berman Maternity Ward - Province Illinois
The Killberry Auditorium - Kansas City Kansas
Busy Bee Day Care Center - Morristown Mississippi
Jonathan Lipnicki's House - Los Angeles California.

If you mention the code "Michael loves adult female humans" at the gift shop at any of these locations you can get the Michael Jackson discount. Children's clothing, half off.
Tags: celebrity, fake news, humor unedited
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