List five reasons why you are a dork, and make them good reasons. Justify and explain them. Be loud and proud of what a dork you are. Then pick the five biggest dorks on your friends list and have them do the same.
#1) I have no sense of fashion. None. I have clothes. I place them on my body because nudity is frowned upon in our society. Beyond that I am clueless. My socks all have holes in them and never match. I have recently been told that people notice when one sock is brown and the other is missing. My response was "Why are you looking at my ankles? My eyes are up here." I see nothing wrong with wearing a button down shirt, a tie, a sport coat, cuff links, and pink sweatpants. Variety is the spice of life. People who actually know what goes with what, or that it's inappropriate to wear old gym shoes to a wake, have tried to talk sense into me. The whole color matching thing sounds like graduate level physics to me. What's so wrong with combining a flannel over shirt with a tank-top anyway?
#2) I love video games. I play every day. I have had at least one major system since the days of NES (When I was but a tot) and was playing imports at age 6 or so. I have completed a season of MVP 2005 with the New York Mets, playing over 200 games if you include minor league. I have a collection of probably over 1000 games. I scour video game news and review sites and used to write for one. I have absolutely no plans to give this hobby up. If I ever had a kid I would insist on being able to beat him down in Mortal Kombat, using Scorpion of course. "Fatality, BITCH. Yeah that right there's a life lesson from dad, write it down. Never use Sub-Zero's freeze attack from that far away. You're going to need that one later in life. Trust me" I want to own a copy of Blinx the Time Sweeper just 'cause.
#3) I'm a total word/reference geek. If there's a word I don't know I look it up. If there's a reference I don't get I try to google it and figure out what it is. I also intentionally use unusual words and interesting references in my own writing and speech. Most people only use a few thousand words a day, I try to best that number by a lot. I love the English language with all its quirks and strangeness. Everything but the spelling. Spanish and I, on the other hand, do not get along. Spanish and I have a long history. A long bad history.
#4) I am spectacularly unsuccessful with women. Spectacularly. I cannot stress this enough. If women were a car and I were the driver I would start it up, jolt ahead to an unsafe speed, veer off the road through a guard-rail, plummet off a cliff, and explode impact. That pretty much sums up my abilities with the ladies. I don't even really have female friends. I've had a few and then I said something to offend them, and refused to take it back because why should I censor myself based on your hangups and oh, you're walking away? Well SCREW YOU TOO then. I don't need you. I don't need anyone. I'm so alone. If I were stuck on a desert island with a beautiful woman she would be a lesbian cannibal. Despite all this I have failed in my efforts to become gay.
#5) I love fantasy, sci-fi, and just fiction in general. I think that if daydreamers and philosophers ran the world things would run a whole lot better with everyone happier and more fulfilled. I believe in the power of the human imagination and the written, sung, or sign-languaged word. I devour books whole, leaving ink-stained confetti in my wake, and I read classics for fun. This is all geeky behavior. I should be out drinking and driving woman-cars off metaphorical cliffs. I'm not. I'd rather be at home writing, or watching a movie, or just lying in bed with some Plato. DORKY.
I'm supposed to tag the five dorkiest people on my list to do this entry, but since I have a frighteningly low number of dorks available to me I'm going to select the five people least likely to do me bodily harm for implying they are dorks. rpeate, philbeta, Scrawny genericrick, missfestival, and ed_gashlycrumb because I sincerely suspect she will not read this.