Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Solo of fortune

A couple of friends of mine wanted to hang out today. I agreed previously but last night when we were concretizing plans they didn't have anything they actually wanted to do, just sort of hang out downtown. I ended up bailing. I just don't to do that stuff anymore, especially not with these friends. Don't get me wrong, I like them and I would enjoy spending time with them doing some activity like going on a hike or bowling or whatever, but just hanging out? With one person it's okay, because the conversation can be focused on things of co-interest and the activities can be planned around things I can at least tolerate, but I've never enjoyed spending time with larger numbers of people much and that's gotten way worse in recent years. If they are people who share my interests I can deal with it, hanging out with people after film class discussing whether Leni Riefenstahl was responsible for the horrible propaganda she produced was always cool, but in other scenarios I just get bored. I basically like to talk and think about two things, art and politics. Much of the rest of the world bores me (Sports can be interesting in relatively small doses.)

The thing about my current group of friends is you can't even talk about girls with them. They're all either long-term/perpetually single or in long-term relationships. So we end up rehashing old stuff from high school or gossiping, or just searching for some bar. I get bored and irritated and then they get pissed at me and it's just a mess. I'd rather stay at home and think or write. In fact I can say that about most situations.

So I need new friends. And I know that whining about friends on Livejournal is the second most cliched thing you can do, after whining about someone you are or want to be having sex with, or someone you have had sex with in the past. But needing new friends has helped me decide what my next move is. I'm going to put off any attempt at professional writing for awhile, suck it up, and find a fucking job. I won't take just anything, that meatpacking plant is going to have to find someone a little more...diverse...but I won't hold out for my dream either. As it turns out there aren't a lot of openings for "Talented but raw young writer with high level of perversity and low level of polish. Pay starts at $1 billion with your choice of supermodels." Maybe I'm just reading the wrong wanted ads. Instead I'll probably end up as a personal or production assistant at a bigger film company and try to make some contacts and find some people my age who might be interested in collaboration. I should be collaborating, I have a lot of great ideas that I can't put into action on my own because I lack certain skills, like graphical design.

So that's my plan for the immediate future now. I'll still try to get some stuff together to try and sell to magazines or something and keep writing, but I'm going to be daily grinding like a dog. LIKE A DOG.

At least as a writer you can never have too much experience. I keep telling myself that over and over. It's one of my mantras.

EDIT: Two minor events.

A) My 70 year old neighbor is sick. I went to the pharmacy to get her medicine. A pharmacy right near the one where my candy dream ended. While there I bought some candy, then after sampling it discarded it. Thus the conflict rages on. Meanwhile I brought her Curb Your Enthusiasm to watch on DVD. I strongly suspect that this will end in some sort of disaster. Old people and technology mix like oil and thermonuclear warfare.

B) My doorman indicated he was thirsty. I offered to give him a glass of water if he came up to my apartment. He said 6:30 and never showed. This made me relieved. I do think that we need to be friendly and open to people who work in our buildings and around us doing manual labor, but I've been in "Give an inch have a mile taken" situations in the past there. There's a line between giving a man a glass of water on a hot day and having your videogames borrowed for someone's son. It's a line I don't want to cross again.
Tags: employment, friendship, personal
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