So that brought my mood down some, but still I couldn't help thinking how much the writer lifestyle agrees with me. Putting in 8 hour days of creativity isn't work, it's joy. It's too bad I'm not good enough to make my living this way yet, but I vow that some day I will. I've never really had such a clear concept of "The Good Life" before and it's comforting to know it's out there.
I'm feeling pretty confident in my talents right now, which is good. I have a lot in my head that I'm not sure how to get out yet, or at least not confident enough to write, but when I do. Watch out. I think it's because of a good session I had with my shrink on Thursday. Confession isn't just good for the soul, it's great for the mind. Sometimes when you verbalize mental blocks you're having it helps you eliminate them. Once they are no longer lodged in your head but instead are stated aloud in clear language they seem to dissolve in the light of rationality. The monsters don't seem so big when they're out from under the bed. Writing here has helped hone the craft part of what I want to do, but good sessions with a psychologist can unlock the latent creativity by removing psychological blocks. If I had the money I'd probably start going twice a week, and if I find a job that pays well I actually will do that, since I think that it'd speed up the process of getting the images in my head out on to the paper with minimal interference.
I know a lot of people have had bad experiences with psychologists and psychiatrists and write them off. I don't doubt that the experiences were bad, since I've had those myself. Psychologists are people and they're flawed and those who don't admit that to themselves or their patients often come off as pompous assholes who know nothing. The thing is if you think all psychology is bunk it's because you've never had a really good shrink. A really good shrink knows that he's just as messed up as anyone else and he admits it. He tells you some of his flaws and blind spots, and then he proceeds to help you despite them and in spite of them. It's a really interesting and beneficial process and I feel sorry for people who've only had the bad kind, because you're missing out on a level pure self-examination that I haven't encountered elsewhere. I know that in the last 9 years or so I've gone from miserable and suicidal to relatively well adjusted and excited about the future and the world. Might I have made that journey alone? Perhaps. Or perhaps I would have actually jumped of one of those windows at 1:30 AM had I not had anybody to call.
Anyway things are going relatively well. I have a lot of writing to do and I'll try to get some done later. For now I'm going to go watch a movie and maybe have some lunch since I had very little breakfast. Today is a good day, and when you've had few enough of those in the past you know just how precious they can be.