This is not a cry for help. At least not a desperate one.
Instead it's a request. I need to work up a few writing samples for some of the jobs I'm applying to. I am soliciting ideas for pieces of mine you've seen that I can polish up and use as such. Preferably I would get two comedy pieces and two more "essay" oriented ones. You can identify them by title, subject matter, or whatever. If you have a vague memory of something from the past you can do that too. Feel free to either comment in this entry, or to put in answers in a poll if you'd like to keep your COMPLETE AND UTTER DEVOTION TO EVERYTHING I WRITE a secret between only you, me, and the hotel concierge.
Give me ideas in PRIVATE