Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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The celebrity world is all atwitter about a recent groupie tell all. The woman known as Superhead has decided to dish on her experiences with some of the most famous men in the world. While this book will certainly shed light into the love lives of the A-list, there is another book coming out, written by a groupie nicknamed "Eh, I've had better" that promises to offer a perhaps even more tantalizing glimpse into the love lives of the semi-famous or disgraced. B-listers, C-listers, hangers on, and yes, professional hockey players.

Here is an exclusive excerpt:

John Stamos:

When he asks you to pretend to be an Olsen twin it's a little creepy. By the time he's telling you to say "Cut it out" just like Dave did you'll be thanking your lucky stars that he can still score primo coke.

Carrot Top:

Dye job. You wouldn't think it but...yeah...dye job.

Donald Trump:

Goes limp in 5 seconds if you mention his pubic hair comb over.

Sean Hannity:

Can't be aroused without the help of Rod Stewart music and golden showers.

Fred Durst:

Limp Bizkit.

Michael Jackson:

A very sensitive lover who very much enjoys a woman's body. We made love backstage at a Calgary Boys Choir concert. Absolutely wonderful.

Ashton Kutcher:

Smaller than you think. No, still smaller. Smaller. Smaller. That's about rig-- no..smaller.

Robert Blake:

Left his erection in the restaurant and refused to go back for it.

Bill O'Reilly:

World's #1 fan of testicle stomping.

Dennis Miller:

Thinks he's like Hilary Hahn performing Il Cimento dell' Armenia e dell'invenzione on a Stradivarius, but would more aptly be described as Gilbert Gottfried playing Here Comes the Bride on a broken kazoo.

O.J. Simpson:

Really into written erotica, especially slash.
Tags: celebrity, humor unedited
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