Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Apparitions just won't leave me alone

I don't WANNA be a psych major. I don't WANNA I don't WANNA I don't WANNA.

Truthfully I don't know what I want to do, but I'm pretty sure I am not ready to commit to majoring in psych. There's stuff in the field that would interest me, a lot of stuff actually ranging from practical scientific applications such as drug research (although I'd need a much stronger hard science background) or working on creating better educational methods or more productive and less stressful work environments (which is probably more realistic) but I don't want to pick. At the end of this semester my elective breakdown will be as follows:

9 points psychology
3 points philosophy
6 points sociology.

That is of course in addition to all the core cirriculum stuff that I have to do. The thing is that I will probably only have 1-2 semesters before I have to take the promotion to junior status and have a major selected. THat doesn't leave much time to explore other options. I was thinking of doing a dual psych/sociology major for awhile but I'm not so sure. That just seems so pigeonholing. Then I was playing with psych/writing which is the one that is most attractive at the moment, but I couldn't even get into that general writing class so what makes me think I could do well as a writing MAJOR for christsake?

Then there is my interest in film but I'm pretty sure I don't want to be a film major. I could see myself as a director or screenwriter but I always pictured that as coming in my forties, not my twenties. The idea of spending my entire life pursuing a showbiz career just seems icky to me. It's not what my father would want for me and much more importantly it's not what I want for me. I don't want to be 60 and say "I never did anything but amuse the relatively rich and advantaged in their rich and advantaged countries."

I would be much more comfortable saying "I made a contribution to the ongoing process of human scientific knowledge" or even BETTER something like "I helped a bunch of people."

I don't want to be a teacher because, although this is supremely arrogant, I feel my brain is special enough to be an end instead of a means. I don't think that there are enough students smarter than me that my aiding THEM in their development would add more than I can add on my own.

I would say that Jeff is also smart enough to be an end so his psychologist career is a misuse of his potential except that his book writing is an outlet for his intelligence that I aprove of. He is producing new ideas and theories and putting them out there into the public conciousness and that is an end. Which is good. I'll get a lot of heat from him for this but I'm proud that my therapist is one of the ones who writes books and doesn't just do therapy. Who has the ambition to be helpful on MORE than a one on one scale.

Anyway I want to do SOMETHING worthwhile with my life and while it could be in the field of psychology or neuroscience or what have you I am not willing to make that decision quite yet. I need to get some more time to explore.

-sigh- I want to take more classes this semester but I can't. I have so much NON school stuff I want to do, like lose some more weight, do the G.E.D teaching program, learn how to drive, join clubs, and get a job, that being a fulltime student with 17 points should be more than enough. Patience grasshoper. PATIENCE.


I don't got much of that.
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