Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Secrets of the military establishment

Yesterday an anonymous source (It's oralaki) contacted me with news of a story so big it might just blow the Bush administration right out of the water. In fact if you believe your computer or Internet use may be monitored you should probably stop reading right now, because there's going to be a lot of subpoenas on this one. This is a story that gets right to the heart of the American experience. It's a scandal that involves immoral behavior at the highest echelons of power, a conspiracy so vast it is almost unimaginable, and the real reason why 1700 American soldiers are dead. So let me get to it. According to documentation discovered by this source (oralaki):

The war on Iraq is part and parcel of the gay agenda.

I'll give you a moment to lift your jaw off the floor.

Yes, while pundits have been arguing and slinging mud over whether the impetus behind the war was WMDs, Oil, or Democracy the truth has slipped between everyone's fingers. It was not about any of those things, it was about homosexuality. Details are sketchy at this point as to who knew what when, but it has become startlingly clear that due to the Clinton administration's devastating "Don't ask don't tell" policy the military has become a prime depository of homosexuals and homosexual sympathizers. This hidden cabal worked hard to stay out of sight, even perpetrating multiple sexual assaults against female cadets at various service academies just to HIDE the hot homosexual action. The Frilly Fighters managed to ensconce themselves in positions of power, pushing out heterosexual commanders like Colin Powell to be replaced with faggoty fellows like Maj. Gen. William Webster Jr. (Porn name "Big Willie" Webster) and generally gaying up the armed forces.

But the world's first 80% homosexual fighting force still needed to prove itself on the battlefield before revealing the truth, and thus was born the war on Iraq (Afghanistan doesn't count because nobody gave a fuck). How did they manipulate the government into sending them off to fight with their big long guns and powerful machines? Easy. George "Slam Dunk" Tenent's drag name is Wanda Touchyah, and he performs every night at Big Al's Cabaret in Carson City.

Once over in Iraq it became incredibly easy for the military to unleash its gay agenda far from the prying eyes of decent moral folk like disgraced former televangelist Jim Baker. They invited gay journalists like Geraldo "The 'Stash" Rivera up to "In Bed" with them, and limited access to non-authorized information. For example did you know the reason that photographs of the coffins of American casualties are no longer allowed is because the military doesn't want people to see the new chiffon trim that's been added to the flags that drape them? Also true is that the reason the Iraqi IEDs have been so effective against American military installations is that they use Gaydar guidance systems. These are the sorts of things that have been hidden from the public.

As more and more servicemen are sent to Iraq and gayified we are faced with the likelihood of an all-gay army. Not just mostly gay, not just majority friends of Dorothy, but a 100% butch homosexual fighting force. Once the gay agenda accomplishes this there will be no fighting it. The entire world will fall to the gayification process. This is why so many reserve units have been sent over. This is why "stop loss" policies have been used so extensively, so straight men wouldn't return to their wives before their gayification had been complete. This is why the foxhole has been re termed the 'glory hole' and the purple heart will soon be replaced with the pink carnation.

America is under attack like never before, and our enemies are the ones holding our American guns. In military bases all over this country Toby Keith is being phased out for Mariah Carey. camoflage paint is being replaced with flesh-toned foundation. The gayification process is ongoing and we're powerless to stop it.

The fact of the matter is that the gay agenda has clearly grabbed hold of most of our nation's sources of power, from the media (Hello Will & Grace? More like Satan & The Redhead!) to these "gay friendly" corporations, to the oval office where George Bush cavorts with a drag queen named Condoleeza. Once it has the army...well...

Bend over and spread wide because as they say to recruits "Your ass is theirs."

This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for shooting, this is for homosexual conquest.
Tags: army, gays, humor unedited, politics
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