Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Reduce Profanity Now

As our moral leadership has been telling us for years there is far too much profanity in the media these days. Nothing poisons our children faster than foul language. Not unjust war, not propaganda, not false science in the schools and a news media that cares more about Paris Hilton than the war in Iraq.


Cursewords. They're the problem. They are responsible for the ills in modern society. Therefore I am proposing that we re-consider a plan to phase profanity out of our daily speech and insert more descriptive, happier, words in their place. Let me give some examples.


This is the granddaddy of them all. The big F word. The one that raises hackles more than any other. We don't need it. I propose that we take a two-pronged approach to replace fuck. For the part of the word that refers to sexual activity we can simply used intercourse, a much cleaner more appropriate term. As for the slang use of fuck as either an ejaculation or to mean "Messed up", we've got a perfect new word to replace it.


So, for example, if you make a mistake at your job that causes huge problems, like crushing debt for the company and thousands of deaths, you just say "I really Bushed up at work today." Or if you are talking about someone who never gets anything right, has moronic ideas, and is a complete failure as a human being, you can say "Oh Larry, he's a real Bush-up."

Simple, yet effective. It's a Bushing great idea.


This term also serves dual functions. It refers both to a particular portion of the anatomy and to a person of little or no value. Since the anatomical part it references is hidden from view by the buttocks, and often full of fetid feces, there's only one term that can adequately replace it.


"That guy's a real Cheney." "My Cheney itches something awful." Simple, effective, and totally non-offensive. Who could be against it?


Rumsfeld...just...Rumsfeld. A big pile of Rumsfeld.


This one is very offensive since it only refers to a single act of unspeakable vileness. It's representative of everything wrong and horrible in this world.


"What an Ashcroft."

"Oh baby, I love you so much, I'm going to give you a full on Gonzalez tonight."

Finally we need a meaning for the term Condoleeza. Frankly I think she sounds like a Sexually Transmitted Disease. Chlamydia, Condoleeza, potato potatoe. I say that her name is well suited for the clap. "I have a bad case of Condoleeza." "Oh man, leave that girl alone, she's got Condoleeza."

Any thoughts?
Tags: bush, truth, words
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