Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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The war at suck

Like an idiot I like to check out every new piece of slop that the networks throw at us in the Fall season. Maybe it's the vain hope of seeing the next Seinfeld or 24 somewhere in the muck and mire. Maybe it's an attempt to answer the great question of who, who, WHO thought that this shit was worthy of the airwaves. Maybe it's just habit. I don't know. Nonetheless I faithfully TIVOed many of Fox's new offerings, and while most were mediocre or mildly interesting at best, one stands out. That one was "The War At Home" and it stands out because it makes "According to Jim" look like fucking GENIUS.

"The War At Home" stars Michael Rapaport, who's kind of like Breckin Meyer but more annoying. He's been in a few good things, seemingly by chance, but mostly he serves merely to irritate anyone who has the misfortune to see him on the screen. It's a persona that can work if harnessed properly, like in Beautiful Girls, but he's not the first guy I'd pick to anchor a network family sitcom. In fact I'd have him pretty far down on the list, sandwiched between Dolph Lundgren and Carrot Top (Which one is buffer at this point is anyone's guess.) Anyway this is his show and he...stinks. It's not just him though. It's the writing. Oh god is it the writing.

You know a show is headed for the halls of infamy when it throws out gay jokes in its first episode. Not just a few gay jokes either. A lot of gay jokes. Way too many gay jokes. You know a show has a chance of making the hall of shame when said gay jokes could come from a late 80's episode of Roseanne. Haha they think their kid is gay because he dresses like a woman, but he's not, he's just trying to look like his mother so he can drive her car without being pulled over for being 15. Why he doesn't attempt to look like an older man never gets explained because we are SWEPT AWAY in the hilarity. Who needs logic when you have the old "Not Really Gay Son" routine? Who writes this stuff and, more importantly, who actually wants to watch it? Gay themes are offensive to middle American religious zealots. Homophobia is offensive to coastal elites. Is there really a market for 80's style homophobic humor out there? If so, I don't want to meet the people who it represents.

Because homophobia wasn't enough the show also chucks racism into the mix. "Do black people really have knows?" Asks Michael Rapaport's character. "Christ this material is fresh" replies his wife. "A white guy insecure about his penis because of the rumor about black men? Nobody's done it before. Why hasn't anybody done it before?" Their daughter dates a black kid named Bootay. Bootay's father is middle class and Bootay makes all As in school. Why a middle class father raising a studious son would name his child Bootay in 1989 is never explained either. Maybe he was on crack back then.

I know, I know, picking on "The War At Home" is like throwing rocks at the short bus. It's a waste of time and energy. This is, after all, the network that brought us Life on a Stick. Clearly there's some retard on the Fox lot giving great head and having his moronic ideas made into TV shows in exchange for it. Who are we to judge? Still I can't help but think there must have been SOMETHING out there better than this. There's no way that this was the funniest or cleverest or most interesting or even most commercial show pitched at Fox during pilot season. If it was then someone should go out there and check the water purity in Hollywood because it just may be spiked with lead.

The War At Home will lose in the ratings and get its ass kicked off the air (Or maybe not, somehow Yes Dear has hung on despite being so unwatchable that I've heard the live studio audience is issued blindfolds to avoid potential lawsuits) It's a sad comment about the state of American television when this show actually makes it into prime time. If it actually catches on? Well there's not much negative to say about the American public that our president doesn't already represent, but I'm done overestimating. You really CAN go broke THAT way.
Tags: crap, crap crap crappity, michael rapaort blows, michael rapaport, signs of the apocalypse, television, tv
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