Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Treading the long and lonely line

Restarting with the treadmill is always the same for me. It's exciting to get back on. It's pleasurable to work out. My mood improves. My mind gets sharper. I get tired and need a nap. The thing breaks down. I get depressed. I hate myself and the world that's conspiring to keep me from losing weight. I hate the company and capitalism in general. I get distracted by a shiny object. Ooo shiny.

Right now we're at the "Nap" portion of the program. I've been working out, it's been really good and has helped pull me out of an unhealthy spiral. I like the weary feeling in my legs and the nice little endorphin rush. On the other hand due to past experiences I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, so in a way it feels more like a temporary fix than a long term change in behavior and that's not a good thing. Faith is something that's always in short supply for me.

Still it's an upswing for now, and that's good. It's been a rough couple weeks since getting dumped and dealing with the disastrous job interview and a world where tainted lasagna could strike at any time. Terrorists, hurricanes, avian flues, sure, but nobody expects to be taken out by bad ricotta cheese.

I'm alone and that's okay.
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