I have work tomorrow. I wish I could stay home and ponder why we have post offices and police officers, but no police offices or post officers. I can't. I hate that. I very much would like to quit and there's nothing particularly stopping me except inertia and some horrible irritating feeling like I haven't fully played out my hand there. I was watching Dog the Bounty Hunter on A&E and I feel like one of those fugitives. I just want my life back to the place it was before I made the decision to take this position, but for some reason I can't have it. Of course I could have it. I could just go there and say "I quit!" hand in my radio and take the subway back home, but it wouldn't be the same. Like it or not I've been antsy this vacation. I'm 24 now and I feel like I can't spend as much time lounging around and taking it easy and just preparing to go out there. That's run its course. Instead I have to actually be out there. In the cold. And the rain. For 14 hours at a time. If I'm lucky.
There has to be a middle ground between staying at home watching bad TV and having your entire life devoured by menial labor. For some reason I've never quite been able to find it. Distressing.
Gotta get up at 4:15. Can't really sleep. Still have a cough. Just got over New Years hangover despite not drinking an outrageous amount.
Knowing you will survive and actually going through the painful process of SURVIVING are two very different things.