Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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Falling all around us. I turn my head off for awhile.

Woke up this morning closer to the grimness of reality. Last night I dreamed the world was normal again and that my greatest concerns were confusing girls and pushy friends. Then I woke up and got the newspaper and the Week In Review had these two long grey strips meant to show where the WTC had once been and it hit me. The business of being shallow and silly and normal has to be put on hold because there are dead people and millions of tons of rubble covering the heart of my city, and a society that is being wrenched through profound changes.

And still nobody knows why. Why these men felt the need to destroy like this, to decimate innocent people with no clear objective. What example is being made? That people can die any time for no reason? That American life is as fragile as any other form? We KNEW that already.

Now is the time to have steeled resolve....against who? To make sacrifices....towards what end? To DO something....but WHAT?

How can people cling to a belief in god right now? When the world is so COMPLETELY unfair. When evil has just as much ability to succeed as good. When 5,000 precious precious lives can be taken by filthy twisted monstrous creatures of darkness and the agents of freedom and protection that we spend billions of dollars on can't even tell us who we should lash out at.

I'm not surprised about that becuase the fact of the matter is that it's ALWAYS easier to hurt than to protect. For one thing hurters have a wealth of targets to choose from while protectors have to make sure of their targets and fine the few who we need protection from. For another thing the protectors have to play by rules and the bad guys DON'T.

We're forever playing catch-up which is not a tenable position for victory. And it's depressing.

I'm finding it hard to get together any energy for the things I have to do. I spent 3 hours last night talking to some foreign men (one from Pakistan and one from the Dominican Republic) and they had interesting views on the situation. It's hard to explain them becuase they were complex and fractured but ultimatly it came down to the fact that this sort of thing ties EVERYONE'S hands. Pakistan has to choose between the Muslim militants inside and the angry west outside, either choice bringing dangerous instability.

The world is such a fucked up place.

On a side note it was nice to talk to a couple guys in their mid-forties who were married with children and thusly willing to talk seriously for hours about things other than icky sitnky girls. Which some guys my age are but not as reliably.

I feel very grim right now. Very cold and very unmotivated. There are things I need to do today such as homework and maybe exercise but I don't know if I can. It all feels even more pointless than it did before, which was pretty pointless.

Little pictures in my head I turn them inside out instead
cause fucking up takes practise, I feel I'm well rehearsed.
Cause the past is a bully and the future's even worse.
You tell me what you feel cause I can feel it like a curse.

-I ain't the only one, Goo Goo Dolls.
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