So let's not feel so sorry for those deaf bastards. They're sitting pretty in a lot of ways.
But what have the deaf ever done to us? That's your next question, because you're a bleeding heart fuckface who loves all of god's creatures no matter how pathetic and weak. Like puppies. Puppies start out life as blind little rat-like creatures, but you love them anyway. Assholes.
Let me answer you.
This evening I was watching a movie, a Canadian film entitled "The Barbarian Invasions." I was enjoying myself watching these Canadians prance about like a bunch of over the hill homosexuals and reading the French subtitles when something horrible happened. One of the characters spoke in English, and even though I speak English the lines were subtitled, unnecessarily obscuring up to 8% of the screen for no apparent reason. Naturally I was outraged. At first I thought it was just what those Canadian fuckers do, subtitle everything for shits and giggles. Then I remembered an American movie I'd seen that did the same thing and I realized what was really at play.
It's a vast Deaf conspiracy to make decent hearing people see unneeded subtitles just so they can enjoy a foreign film too. Selfish motherfuckers, we already gave you closed captioning, but you want subtitles too? What's wrong with you? Why so greedy? You're almost as bad as the gays.
I say that if the deaf want subtitles on English language programming they have to give us something in return. Like teach us the secrets of their X-ray vision so we can see beneath ladies' undergarments. Otherwise they're just one more special interest group looking for a handout and they should get the same treatment we give the rest of them these days. A punch in the nose and a boot out the door.