Today I found it trying to record a Tom Cruise movie. A TOM CRUISE MOVIE.
At first I thought that maybe TIVO was the one who was gay. Then I came to a sudden and horrible realization. This isn't the first time. TIVO's tried to record Dharma and Greg in the past, along with several John Travolta vehicles and Fat Actress. My TIVO isn't gay. It's a scientologist. I HAVE A SCIENTOLOGIST TIVO!
I have no idea how much damage it's already done with its subconscious programming Bzzt hail Xenu Bzzt, but I can only hope it's reversible. I'm now doing my best to give my television as wide a berth as possible. Yeah I may miss out on the rest of this season of The Closer, but damn it, I will NOT BE CONVERTED TO SCIENTOLOGY BY A BLACK DVR BOX.
I'm so scared right now. So very scared.