Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

Having spoken with gingerdevotion via the telephone I can say with certainty that he does an excellent impression of "Real American Girl!" for a 16-year old scam artist from Panama. That was nice work, Pablo, but I am still not going to share the details of my checking account with you. You're a wily one, but insufficiently wily for me!

It's a strange thing, this long-distance communication thing. So much of human interaction is based on the physical, reading each other's faces and voices, distance between two people, touch or lack thereof. And yet strip that away and what you get is something that is in some ways...purer. Because the further you get from the person, the closer you get to certain aspects of the psyche. Communications through text are purely linguistic, and that is both limiting and freeing. I don't know how I feel about the whole thing. You're all faceless (mostly) nameless entities who could very well be machines or, worse, Jennifer Lopez. Is this how you keep it real, J-Lo, by tricking people in cyberspace?

Anyway, as I mentioned to Pablo, in between his sob stories about almost being sold to Salvadorian slavers, I enjoy walking in the rain. It is for this reason that on Wednesday (that's Wodensday for all you Norse mythology fans out there, and michaelkeane I am looking directly at you) I decided to go out for a nice walk after a rather nasty rainstorm. If a walk through the rain is wonderful, then a walk through the cool post-rain night air is...adequate.

Here's the thing, though. It wasn't done raining. Not by a longshot.

I was about a mile from my house when the skies decided they just couldn't wait until reaching New Jersey and started pissing all over me. You know the saying "When it rains it pours?" Well this time it dialed way past "pours" all the way to "Fucking deluge." There were literally sheets of water flowing over me, and they had a dropcount in the thousands.

I had my cellphone and my ipod with me. I am so smart.

Anyway, because I am a certified idiot I decided to finish my planned stroll before turning back, and so it was that I found myself actually walking AWAY from my house, while bathtubs of water fell from the sky around me. I passed a bunch of hispanic kids gathered under a big tree with some umbrellas and got hit with the "You dumb motherfucking whiteboy" look that I'm starting to get used to.

Why are whiteboys so stupid? Seriously, we're the only ones who do this shit.

Anyway, by the time I turned around to go home not only was I drenched so thoroughly that my hands were starting to prune, but the sidewalk had turned from cobblestone to "River." That's right, I ended up walking back through about 3 inches of rapidly flowing water, my shoes completely submerged, my attention spent trying to dodge the various objects swept along in its path, ranging from used syringes (uhhh...not cool) to medium sized branches that the storm had broken off of the trees and was now sending my ways.

It would have been difficult to even see through all the rain were it not for the frequent lightning strikes providing bursts of illumination.

When I got home I was completely soaked, my Ipod was fried (Cellphone survived) and the rain was abating (God loves a good weather joke.) Nonetheless I had fun and I highly recommend the occasional trudge through faux-monsoon conditions* as a nice pick-me up. Of course you'll probably only enjoy it if you're a dumbass white boy. The Pablo's of the world have enough troubles without adding "Sauntering through a biblical flood" to them.

*I assume no legal liability blah blah blah
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