I've been watching sports for most of the day and it's been boring and given me a headache. I don't know why I did it. I couldn't even get excited when the giants were up 13-0 on the Chiefs at halftime. It just seems pointless now. The time just slipped away, the only thing I did was go out and get schoolbooks that I have yet to crack. I am running out of things to say. Life just keeps on moving and I can't catch my goddamned fucking breath.
I need to find the energy to sit down and just exist for a few pockets, and then find some time to do my work. I keep thinking of myself as like in my mid-late thirties. I feel worn out and for some reason I was actually thinking about how I would deal with my children after they graduated from college. I'm 19 fucking years old! *smack*. Now is the time to just dig in and let it flow over me, kinda like trying to catch your breath in a hurricane or something.
Oh yeah, and I have come to despise my mother even more. I didn't think it was possible. It was. I'm now reduced to only being civil to her on account of I'm afraid of being thrown out of the house. But while fearing it I also kinda want it. I mean it would force her to free up whatever money I have left after the stock crash and maybe I could find a place somewhere that I could live in peace and perfect fucking harmony.
My calves are uneven in size.