Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

Friends in the Patriarchy

Psst...Boys. Listen up. The Patriarchy is coming to its end. With women making up a majority of college students and climbing the ranks of politics and corporate power, it is only a matter of time before we are overwhelmed. We stand on the last barricades of male superiority, outnumbered, outgunned, and definitely outbreasted. Our defeat is inevitable.

But while we still have the upper hand we can do things to make our transition to second class citizens more pleasant.

Example: We can eliminate high-heeled shoes.

High-heeled shoes do a lot of things really well. They create a beautiful curve of the leg, enhance the positioning of the buttocks, and add significant height to the woman who wears them. They also torture feet, get caught in gratings, and in general turn life into a gigantic tightrope act for those who wear them. Among the various grooming and dressing rituals women have been expected to engage in they are perhaps only a mid-level indignity, but I can't help feel sorry for the Stewardess who is expected to walk around a turbulent plane cabin for 12 hours straight while wearing spikes on the soles of her shoes.

Think about it guys, they're going to get us back for this. I'm not sure how, but there will be some sort of deviant foot-based torture coming our way once the worm turns. The thing is, if we eliminate high-heeled shoes BEFORE we lose control, well, then they'll just be charming relics of the past and not forced indignities requiring some sort of catastrophic response. Girdles, for example, are no longer en vogue and thus we will probably never have to suffer the indignity of wearing whalebone cocoons around our midsections.

The women WILL get the upper hand. We should prepare ourselves. A gift of flats for the women in your life today means comfortable shoes for you tomorrow. Remember that.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic

    Your IP address will be recorded 

    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.