Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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While you were sleeping I was listening to the radio and wondering what you're dreaming with, it came to mind that I didn't care

From time to time I wonder how obvious who I really am is. I mean there are some people who have no idea and just accept the brash exterior that I project on to the world. Then there are people who take that with a grain of salt and just try to approach me from a straightforward stance of understanding just how sensative and vulnerable I can be.

I think the best way to draw out that side of me is to be hurting. I can't stand to see people in true distress. I always offer help. I also can't stand to accept help which makes the whole set up rather strange, but I'm nothing if not strange.

I've had to harden to survive and I don't entirely like the results. Who knows, maybe what I'm going through right now is partially the breaking down of my masks. I feel more and more able to attempt to connect with people (although there are no people to connect with but never you mind that right now!) and less and less effected by what other people think. That is definitly a good thing for me. I dunno, it just seems like I've been SO negative recently and there is the possibility that it's unwarranted. Maybe it's time to go out there into the world and just exist flaws and all. Maybe it's time to go get whacked on the jaw. Maybe in the shadow of the greatest disaster New York has recently known I should just take it as a reminder of how precious and fleeting life is like other people and go CREATE some loved ones so I can have someone to gather close (I always cringe when people say gather your loved ones to you cause I have no loved ones, but I've said that already.)

Maybe I should go study for my test. As usual scheduled bullshit restricts free thought. What a silly society.
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