Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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You can make a difference get up and make your star

I feel powerfully uninvolved in the world. I am starting to hate going to school. It's like I go and information is sort of shoved at me and none of it is really all that fascinating not because of the nature of the information but rather the nature of the assessement. For my cognition memory and stress class, the class itself is pretty interesting but the test is going to be SO difficult (Short answer format, everything including experimenter names is completely fair game) Plus my mom threw out my syllabus for that class which surprisingly doesn't make things any easier.

I don't know, I want the serious business of my life to get underway instead of putzing around in school. It tires me. I wasn't burnt out before but I am getting that way. I just wish....I had taken more seminars. I wish I could find a subject that would enrapture me (although a lot of that has to do with how slow a lot of classes move. It's like I've already comprehened a concept and they go on talking about it for 5-10 more minutes. Snoozeville. Or on the other hand when stuff just keeps on coming nonstop and you need to keep your attention on full blast for 75 minutes and you end up with 8 pages of notes and a headache. Happy mediums are rare).

I saw an old one time friend (I went to Nursery school with him and we used to hang out in our early adolescence) today and I didn't want to deal with him so I pretended not to notice. I don't know, I am trapped by not wanting to be bothered and not wanting to be alone. I just need somebody to talk to I guess. Or not. I don't know.

Conflicted, restricted, afflicted.

I really wish that there were more moods on this thing. There are all sorts of cool vocab words I could be using. Whimsical, Weary, Worldly. Those are all W's. Don't even get INTO the Cs where you find gems like cretinous, crass, crowing, callow etc.

I'm tired a lot these days. Orange pills help but trying to kick up my workout intensity to shed some weight does not.

I should also mention that my interest in Football seems to be waning while my Anime interest has certainly experienced a resurgance with me ripping through a lot of the discs I had bought without watching partially in response to the stock market doing poorly and feeling guilty for spending the cash and partially due to the fact that I've just been enjoying it recently.

My spanish test was easy but I didn't ace it. That's okay though my Spanish grade matters little to me. Not much matters right now. I've got to get some motivation though, otherwise I am definitly going to have some problems. At least the GED thing has been a bright spot in a dark time, but even that is trouble since I need to compose a lesson for monday (the same day I have the impossible psych test) without the fucking book being available. I don't know if I can do that. My teaching style without the book is....eclectic to say the least. Oh well I'll figure out something.

On the way out of the building from student orientation I had a short conversation with one of those blue collar black men that many people will cross the street to avoid. He is going to be one of my students. He says that after he gets his GED he wants to go to TCI and get training in computer repair. He wants to be a computer repair man. I guess it's just another reason to be careful with stereotypes. That tall black man in the big green coat could just be your tech support guy in 5 years. I hope he succeeds. At least he has some fucking goals.

I have a good amount of talent (even though I've been off for a few weeks I'm still towards the top in all my classes) and absolutely nowhere to put it. It might as well not exist at this point.

At least Dr. X solved the mystery of how he got my name. I think I offended him by calling him smelly though. Not sure why.
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