Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

Old as the hills

25 is a big number. It is certainly bigger than 24, 23, and ALL of the teens.

And now I am it.

I hate birthdays. I hate them because they make me older, and people have asinine celebrations during them where they insist you drink too much, and my birthday's right near Christmas so everyone's getting gifts and they expect me to give twice as many gifts as I receive (I don't object to giving gifts in terms of cost, but rather I always feel neurotic about picking stuff out for people) and they remind me of my dead father which always makes me depressed.

And 25?

25 is the worst birthday of them all.

25 is the birthday where things start accelerating. I'm 25 today, in 12 months I will be 28. Then in 2008 I am going to turn 35. Once you hit 25 things just spiral out of control. bugfish turned 25 in 1999, the year I graduated High School. Today he's 103 years old (you look great for your age, man.) That's why the 18-24 demographic bracket is so desired. People stay in that one for a whole 6 years. The 35-49 bracket is lucky if someone stays there for 3 months.

In terms of what "want" for my birthday, the only gift I really desire is for nobody to say happy birthday to me. That'd be really nice. Secondly I'd like someone to steal a lawyer's identity so she could break into prison for the express purpose of having sex with me. Now since I am not IN prison she and I will not be HAVING sex, and I don't think I'd want to have sex with someone who'd risk 10 years in jail for a single romp in the hay anyway, since she'd probably rip my dick off and take it with her, but just the act of risking your freedom for nookie is a nice ego boost. So that's what I want for my birthday.
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