Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters
socratic

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Feel them, break your bones.

Anthrax in New York. I'm supposed to focus on getting my motherfucking school work done. We're standing on the brink of a new era, of apocalypse and war, and I'm supposed to focus on passing tests and writing bullshit papers about greek playwrites who've been dead for longer than Islam has existed. The best thing we can do is go on, but how do you go on when you feel SO fucking helpless. I can't DO anything about this, I'm not in a position of power, nobody's asking for my assistance, I'm just supposed to play "In Godvernment we trust" style roullete. Life is so fleeting and hard. I want to be somebody at times like these. I want to be out there too busy trying to protect the weak and defenseless that I don't even have time to take care of my own life. Instead I am being asked to do the opposite, to focus on my own life to the exclusion of paying attention to what's going on around me.

This is not what I want but I don't know how to make it different.

The weather is getting colder which I always like, but there's something about being utterly alone on a cold New York City night which always makes me feel melancholy. A time when reality is cut right to the core and you can taste the greyness of the concrete and the sadness of the leaves on the trees. This is my favorite time of year to roleplay and read fantasy novels and enjoy some good old fashioned escapism, and this year is no different with my Anime habit shooting up to epidemic proportions. 10 episodes today alone. I was going to do homework today but I never got around to it, too much on my mind and I was kinda tired. I'll HAVE to do some tomorrow otherwise I'll be last minute man AGAIN and I don't WANT to. I'm definitly going to bed early today no matter what. That's my goal for the night (My previous goal of watching 10 episodes of anime having been achieved, stupid as it was.)

Also I went to the local DVD shop and they were selling bootlegs. This upset me and made me want to post on a messageboard something amusing and creative. But then I figured nobody would find it amusing or creative so I decided not to. Jeff and I have discovered that I think that people don't want me around and don't want to talk to me and even if they don't KNOW they feel that they would if they knew who I was.

The thing is it's true. People don't LIKE me much. Not the REAL me.

I need to become rich so I can buy my own island like Marlon Brando. I promise to continue wearing pants though.
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