Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

  • Mood:
  • Music:
I'm not going to be able to turn my paper in by 6:00 PM today and I'm remarkably okay with it. That makes me feel good, because I've never been proud of how stressed I tend to get when I'm working. I have this tendancy to let things slip until the last minute and then get harried and near tears and finish them in a fit of work and angst, never being satisfied with the product. That's not a healthy way to work.

I'm also happy that I'm not allowing my shitty music teacher to get to me, at least not as much as she did at first. I'm generally very easily upset by incompetant instructors. They make me feel like I'm wasting my time, and that they are damaging the education of my fellow students (I tend to have the opinion that in most cases I am more intelligent than the majority of my class, but that's because I'm an arrogant prick :-O) Around them I tend to do self destructive things and commit acts of protest. I once boycotted a quiz in 11th grade, and in ninth grade I filled out a test and got an A- then complained that it was too easy cause I had done so without reading the assignment. Yes I'm a wierdo.

Anyway I'm not letting this instructor get to me. Sure she made me go see Annie Get Your Gun, but I feel that I turned that into a fairly positive experience. She's also put me through many hours of boredom, but it's almost over now and I think I will take 2 things out of this summer. Number one, a better understanding of Art thanks to my more than decent Art-Hum instructor, and Number two the knowledge that there are beautiful and fascinating women out there to be found (even if they don't want anything to do with me.) That's pretty productive if you also consider the fact that I completed 1/12th of my degree requirements.

I'm going to get my work done eventually, but I'm going to focus on becoming a better educated more interesting person from the paper and not on getting a good grade. I don't think that my college GPA is going to make or break me, that's not the type of person I am. I've finally started to break free of my shell over the past few weeks (this journal is a result of that, at least partially) and now it's time for me to catch up with the rest of the human race. I'm also glad that I finally shook that funk that had been on me for quite awhile. I think it's good that I'm recording the good times just so that I know that they actually existed. I have a tendancy to sort of leave them out of my internal narrative and think that life consists just of flat plains of pain with no peaks of pleasure. I'm not exactly exstatic right now but I don't feel bad. If I could stay in this emotional state forever I'd be in great shape. That's what I consider a good mood, one where if you were preserved in it for all time you wouldn't regret it.
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