Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

Mind over body?

On the way into Manhattan my ankle was hurting like crazy. Every time I came down on it in anything resembling a normal way I would get a jolt of wince-inducing pain.

I walked back. 3.5 miles according to Mapquest.

No pain.

How did I do it? I'm not sure. All I know is that I got to the interview early and decided to walk around and look for a pharmacy where I could buy an Ace bandage. As I was walking I was in pain and I started grimacing. Then I started to smile. Then I started to laugh. It became hilarious to me that here I was dragging a gimpy leg around the streets of New York, looking for a pharmacy in the one area of Manhattan where every other store isn't a Duane Reade or a Rite Aid, and about to go for an internship interview where I would be trying to be more erudite and clear than I was earlier while my ankle screamed in pain.

And none of that mattered because I was alive and life is beautiful and there were sounds and sights and in ten years I won't even remember this sprained ankle.

So I was grinning and laughing and walking around, and then the pain...stopped. It just stopped. I think part of it was that I adjusted my gait somewhat to account for the weaker ankle (I know I did this, because I could feel the extra exertion of my right leg and a little bit of pull on my left ankle, though not the injured area) but part of it was...something else. I'm not sure. It could have been a big gush of endorphins. It could have been the cold. It could have been that I'd just decided that I wasn't going to pay attention to the pain anymore.

The interview went okay. I think my fly opened after I sat down, which is embarrassing but whatever. I get the feeling they'll offer me something, and I'll take it because I really really like the organization and I want to work there and I think I can make myself integral to the organization, which is the best way to get a job. If I have to work my way up from the very bottom that's what I'll do. Pride's just not worth it.

My ankle hurts again now that I'm home. But it's not too bad, and it will heal, and for the first time in awhile I'm seeing potential in my life, which is both exciting and cool, so I'm going to focus now on figuring out a plan to get where I want to be and trying to execute it.
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