Here there be monsters (socratic) wrote,
Here there be monsters

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I shouldn't have taken my migraine medication. It's packed with caffeine and now I'm wide awake when I should be getting ready for bed. It was pain that drove me to it. Migraine pain. I feel like I should get out of the apartment and go for a walk, but I don't want to do too much on my ankle. There will be plenty of walking to do tomorrow.

This internship is weighing on my mind. It's like a date with a very pretty/cool/whatever girl. I really want to know how it was for them and to get an idea of where this is going, but I know I need to be patient and SHOULD be pursuing other opportunities out there. No eggs in a basket until that basket is proved to exist. But I feel like this could be THE opportunity to start building the life I want and I'm anxious to get started. I keep replaying the interview in my head, thinking about the moment I nodded at the woman who runs the program and she nodded back at me in the same peculiar way (I have this curt nod of acknowledgement I do for some unknown reason. I should try to control it more.) I keep thinking of discovering my undone fly. I keep trying to parse her words (She said things that could be encouraging or could suggest that I HAD been a good candidate and had fucked it up royally.)

My mind is spinning around and around and I'm hungry but I already ate dinner and my ankle is telling me what a fattie I am and I'm out of mineral water. I could go get more mineral water and some milk for the morning. That might be a good idea.

I want to work at this place. I want to get the internship, work like a lunatic to make myself indispensable, and get a paid position there. It's so perfect for where I am in my life and for where I want to go.

If they tell me no I'm thinking of not taking no for an answer. I will push. I will not go down easily.

One of the things I've learned since college is that good opportunities are rare and you need to jump at them when they come along and not let pride or preconceptions or anything get in your way, and you can't be passive. You CAN NOT be passive.

I want to run down there right now and like scream "PICK ME, PICK ME" but, seeing as the normal process has not run its course yet, that would be ridiculous.

Of course if this does fall through I can't let myself be depressed over it. I'll have to press on and try to find another opportunity that fits me well.


On the plus side they seemed impressed by my Ivy League pedigree. If there is some sort of benevolent force in the universe (which I don't believe there is) I will make this bargain with it. Let me cash in my Ivy League chip this one time. Let that be enough to get me this opportunity. It's a freaking Internship. I don't mind having to get the ACTUAL job based on merit and hard work and kissing ass, but let the name on my diploma get me in the door. That's all I think I need here.
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