I haven't really felt like writing in this journal recently and it's for a bunch of reasons. First of all I've been really tired and so haven't felt like putting out the effort it takes just to get some concepts down in a coherent form. Second of all I've been kind of EMBARASSED by my thought processes recently, I haven't seen them as up to snuff and I haven't wanted to leave any rememberance of them. Also this feels too much like a SOCIAL activity and it isn't supposed to be. I have to grow up and part of that growing up has got to be a decision making process. Live by the brain or by the heart? Right now I have nothing worthwhile in my heart, so it's got to be by the head. Part of that means that I no longer want to deal with smalltalk. Smalltalk is one of my pet peeves, I hate talking to people just for the sake of talking (unless it's a situation where nothing else is possible such as when other people are around or time is extremely limited) I admit that sometimes I do succomb to it from time to time but I try not to and THIS journal feels a lot like small talk. I whine about minutia that bother me and occasionaly people actually take the time to respond, and I don't like that. It makes me feel guilty. On the other hand I shouldn't allow such things to stop me from using the journal.
I don't have a conclusion to that thought. It's just semi-random disorganized musing, I'm going to go do some homework now.